WHERE I STAND WITHOUT PRE-MARITAL SEX

By the time you are reading this, we must have wedded. But first, read my wedding day Pre-marital Sex Revelation. Olalere is my name

 

When the Officiating Minister asked if anyone knew why we should not be wedded, my heart skipped. I had seen two of my ex's and they did not quite smile...it looked like they had come to see the "unfortunate lady" who has agreed to say yes to me.

Temisan and I dated or courted as the case may be for close to a year and it brought out the best in us as we hope to see the rest in marriage.               

Well, I write this with a very deep sense of guilt. I knew a very good reason why we should not marry, but the question was not directed to me and who in his right senses would disrupt his own wedding? So I kept it quiet believing that when we got married, things would iron out themselves.

I had an accident some years ago that almost claimed my life. It left me alive yet almost dead...as I now have one testicle and my manhood also has several cuts...I am scared I may never satisfy a woman on bed, let alone father children...But I couldn't bring myself to telling my fiancé all these...for fear of loosing her and of course the overwhelming irreparable shame.

Now, I  turn my anger to the church for teaching people not to have sex before marriage. If we had attempted it like I did with the other ladies,-who walked away at that point- we would have known our fate. I even tried to touch her, she would just flee as if I were a leper claiming this and that...Church talk, always far from the reality...

Time is ticking off and I await that moment of truth when she will have to see me in my naked and deeply uncertain state...

So, my question to you @bondbetter and your readers is to tell me what you think about sex before marriage…

Isn't it okay to have a few rounds when the couple are sure they would be getting married?

What should I do? My wife is going to find out in few hours time and I am very sure she would not like it.

 

 

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SON BEATS FATHER NEAR-DEATH TO RESCUE MOTHER

"Ken my son, Just go on your knees and say sorry, its the magic word" my mother advised. "Why should I say sorry when I am not actually guilty, I asked her too?

My parents never let us have peace while we we're growing...one of those turbulent and dramatic days of theirs, they got into a fight as usual and my father was pouncing ruthlessly on her... He had a belt which he used on her bare back and then went for a grip on her neck...trying to suffocate her...I got scared and made attempt to defend my mother...at first,

I thought it would end as a mere squabble but I was rudely shocked when my father tried squeezing life out of her...he tried choking her. I rushed at him, shoved him off and he faced me...We started fighting...

I FOUGHT MY FATHER DEFENSIVELY FOR MY MOTHER'S SAKE.

As we struggled, I pushed him very hard...he fell and got up limping.          

To my greatest surprise, my mother turned against me...she started shouting at me, "why would you do that? "Why would you fight your father?" My mother raged amidst her tears..." I did it for you Mama, you would have been killed if I didn't stop him..." While we bantered, my father shows up, boiling in anger...he says "Park your things and get out of my house you bastard...even your mother can follow you"

I have not seen my father for over two years now, I visit my mother at her shop when I feel like and I also heard that my father told my siblings that he has disowned me.

So far, I understand my action has availed my mother relative peace; at least there are no more physical assaults on her... and now she wants me to apologize to him. Truth is that I don't feel any guilt. I am not sorry either...why should I apologize? I am really confused...what should I do bondedhome? I don’t believe in apologizing when you are not guilty.

 

What's your take on this issue?

Is an apology well-worth it?

Should his mum have turned against him?

 

 

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WHAT WOMEN WANT FROM MEN

“Mehn...my wife is really getting on my nerves. I have tried many times not to raise my fist against her...but I am not sure my patience would last longer. I don't know how you handle this in your home ...but is a man supposed to be involved in house chores? I mean washing dishes, doing laundry, scrubing and mopping, going to market, sweeping, fetching water and all that...

For Gods sake, I work tirelessly all day just to bring comfort to them. Yet, she still expects me to join her in doing the house chores when I come back from work.

Precisely, the incidence that made me rage was that...unusally, food was not ready after I have had my shower and as a hungry man is an angry man...I requested for my food with a loud voice...in short, I yelled for my food...Lo and behold, my wife in tears was yelling back at me.."am I a slave in this house?, she lashed out and immediately a feel of irritation at her response gushed in my system as I felt like giving her an instant cure to her show of pathetic displeasure.

Yes, I was called from work that our only son was down with fever in school, but I was in an important board meeting that I couldn't go out of so I called her up to attend to the child. But that was since 11am. So how does that connect or disconnect from my meal by 9pm?

My wife continued "You haven't even asked after the boy...how it went at the hospital and so on, you are here screaming for food like a baby" I was mad at her...very mad. "Look at the kitchen, the plates, the boy's clothes, the floor...everywhere and everything is just unkept because you this man would not assist in anyway...please stop all this noise you make of work work work...this house is ours not mine" “I work too”

By this time, my hand was up...to land on her idiotic face...if not for my son looking sick and I wouldn't want further drama. She told me point-blank that I am  not satisfying her in any way. Then I started wondering what on earth she wanted that I had not provided…what do women really want?

My mother in the village never harrased my father to join her in the kitchen. It appears women of these days are getting too lazy, over-sophisticated and pretentious. Haba.

Please tell me what business I have with the house chores?

What's a man's place with house chores?

What do Women really want from men,when it comes to house chores?

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Why men should not have FEMALE PERSONAL ASSISTANTS?

“My husband and I are not on same page regarding one of the new staff he just hired. According to him, he told me the best candidate after the interviews was a lady. A single lady in her early thirties. I really don't have an issue with her being the best candidate, my problem is the fact that my husband now has her number and he has been calling her before she actually resumes, that is if she ever does. I also discovered that the next person in line is a younger guy who has direct experience on Personal Assistance, yet the marks are not favoring him.

 

He is simply bent on hiring a female personal assistant knowing that they would have to travel together, be together all day at the office and gradually, she would..."You know the rest". I suggested, pleaded, encouraged and persuaded my husband to hire the guy for the best interest of all and for my mind to be at rest all to no avail.

 

Whenever I brought up the topic, my husband would start implying that I am accusing him...of some infidelity which he hasn’t committed, he would get overtly annoyed and just today, he landed me a slap". In the hurt that my husband slapped me just because of a female applicant, I became more than determined that he would never recruit that lady as PA”.

 

 Instead of that happening, I would leave his house.

“Please bondedhome, share with your elite readers...Is it not safe for a man to have a male PA and a female boss to have a female PA? Considering all that the time they spend together, am I not making a valid point? You may say I am insecure but please, spare me the pretense. Put yourself in my shoes. This issue is already having a bad impact on our home.” Or do I really have a problem?

 

You have read it. Please give your candid advice.

 

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Are you Involved in Public Display of Affection?

I was in an eatery over the weekend and my eyes were forced to a critical but valuable view of what some might perceive as an anti-african practice while others would simply give a nod, affirming it as a modern way of doing things. I saw a matured lady and her man, I am not sure of their status...maybe married or single but they did not have rings on’’

I saw them locking-lips for minutes in front of all and sundry. They caused a scene...people stared, others frowned, a good number pretended..."Na normal thing" and one of the eatery paparazi guy got a few permitted shots of them kissing...and that led to the problem.

The guy yelled at the paparazi guy, "why would you snap us without permission?" ‘Why e be say na wen we dey kiss na I'm you come snap...before people could gather, he had smashed the camera and the photographer was bent on making trouble with them...trust our people, the Manager of the eatery confronted the "couple", "why were you guys kissing in public, couldn't you just wait until you got home?"                      

Which photographer would see you and not snap you?. The fight just started, some people took side with the "kissing couple" while others feel they were over-board.

Is it okay to go public with affections?

As Africans, are there limits?

Are there different ways love should be expressed by Africans and Westerners?

Public display of affection remain controversial...what is your take?

Before I forget, just at the gate of the eatery, another one happened...this time, I will call it "Public display of disaffection" a lady slaps her man right in the face of everyone. The guy quietly walks away, gets a ride and zooms off. Lady starts to cry...

Give your take please.

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I LOST MY FLOWER TO MY STEP-FATHER...

“Now I need to tell my mother to get a HIV test done. I just got my terrible news...I am positive" and this implies that my mum certainly has it too. I am Lucia, an only child who lost her father at age seven. My mother re-married when I was fourteen years old and it has been more destructive than supportive to us. My step father is a building contractor while my mother is a diplomat. As a diplomat, mum was always away. She stays briefly and is away for long leaving our house help, Etteh, myself and her husband alone.

 

While away, my step father, whom I now see as an infected he-goat would start making passes at me. He would grab me at every opportunity, call me into their room for errands at odd hours...and after a while, with several threats, he over-powered me...he forced his way through...and I lost my flower to my step-father. Whenever mum is around, I make attempts to confess to her but she would always postpone our conversation..."because of her busy schedule", I discovered I started having feelings for him, and I started caring for my "dad" until one day when he sent me to his room as usual for the usual purpose, as I cleared the table, a paper fell off, I picked it up and guess what...It was his HIV result...He is positive. While I felt sorry for him and tried holding my scream, It dawned on me that my grave is already being dug.

...I have confirmed and yes, I have it too.

 

Finally after two months away, my mum shows up, by this time, my “dad” and I are fully aware of our status and there is a big dilemma. My mum finds out and she hurriedly did a test and found out she was negative. Now she is pointing hands of accusation at me, calling me a bad daughter that has stolen her joy and brought her shame. How is this my fault?

When I did everything possible to tell her but she would not listen and her husband was also threatening to tell my mum that I am the one seducing him if I don’t allow him have his way’’

 

‘’I am deeply offended by all men and I will spread the "sexual good-news" to all of you. In short, anyone that comes close would get his share’’

‘’How else could I have done it?

I don’t know what to do, I need help. She wants me out of her life and my step-father is claiming he got it from me. Please what should I do?’’

 

My people, you have read it all. My quick advice, don’t go holding anyone that is not your wife let alone allowing the devil trick you into sleeping with them. “E no dey show for face o”

 

What is your take on this issue?

Parenting gone wrong?

At fourteen and above, is she still naïve?

Any precautions?

 

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How long is long enough for dating?

Times have changed and the people occupying the world of course have really changed, mentalities, ideals, priorities and the way things are done have really taken some drastic new turns.

In those days, although I wasn't there, I was reliably informed by many who witnessed it that relationships were built on trust and indeed that proverbial blindness we often try to debunk these days  ‘’love is blind”.

How do you explain this? My mother told me, she wasn’t even dating my father before they got married. The guy shows up at the house, meets her uncle, points at her that he was interested, she looks at him, likes him too and in less than a jiffy, their first son was out, that’s me. It was really fast. Well, as I write, many years have gone down and my parents are still happily married and now aging together.

You may want to excite yourself, ask your parents or someone who might know how they met and precisely how long it took them to get married. You would be shocked how it appeared as if they jumped before looking…yet, their relationship stood the test of all times.

Today, it’s a different ball game. Let’s consider our modern day theories of dating before marriage vizaviz the success/failure rate juxtaposed with the old school, “short or no dating at all” style vizaviz the success rate of those relationships.                    

This opinion is not a “no” to dating, it’s a questioning of how and how long people should actually date?

I have a family friend, a lady who has been with her “bobo” for over four years now and whenever we ask how they are doing. She says “very soon”…and I am aware they have on one or two occasions…aborted…

I am sure you have an idea of this kind of situation.

Please how long is considered okay for dating?

Should people date for long?

Is it also advisable to discourage dating? I know your answer would be a big “no”, but please substantiate your stand.

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HOW CLOSE SHOULD WE EMBRACE A RE-SURFACED OLD FRIEND?

“I went out with my family for lunch one of those days I was available, as I work off-shore. As we savored the meal, I heard someone call my middle name. It was called like someone with information about me. I heard "Sparkle", "Sparko" only my bossom friends call me Sparko

 

Now I knew that whoever that was surely knows me well enough. I started looking around and guess what...It was Marcus, my one-time closest friend back in school. We haven't seen for over 11yrs and we barely kept in touch as we heard he went into the SSS and his work required him to go underground.

 

It was really good to see Marcus, he was looking really cool. I couldn't resist a hug and a proper re-union. We didn't Just have lunch, I invited him to the house and that was the beginning of my undoing.

Marcus told me how he needed to let a blackmail on him go away only if he could raise 3M in a two weeks, and that's why he has come to PortHarcourt to take hiding and run around for the money.  I was willing to help. I have the money.

 

I spoke to my wife about Marcus' situation and she disagreed to both financial assistance and providing temporary shelter for him. We stayed on this matter until she agreed to both with the influence of my veto-power. I gave Marcus 3M and he went away and has not been in touvh again. I simply assumed that it was  the SSS at it again.

 

Now as I write, I just watched a video of my secretary and I “Ungauarded”. Marcus sent the file to my phone and sent same to Isioma, my secretary. We were kissing in a hotel room far away in an off-shore camp. I need you to know that this is the first time ever I would try such and it didn’t go beyond that and I totally regret that action. He says he would send the next copy to my wife if I don’t raise 5M by week end.. Its Monday morning.

 

I am suprised to get this kind of treatment after raising him 3M and accomodated him despite my wife's refusal. I started digging about him. Called some other friends of ours. It turns out I am the third victim of his blackmail and he never had anything to do with the SSS.For a guy that was very close to the head of the fellowship back on campus, it is absolutely unbelievable that Marcus has become a scam.”

 

You have read it all.

Would it be wrong to embrace an old friend totally?

Are there precautions we should follow?

 

 

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WHERE SHOULD FRIENDS SIT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? FRONT, BACK, SIDEWAYS OR NOWHERE.

‘’I sit here alone, sad, confused, angry and boiling. All for what?

I am a devoted Christian brother and I love the lord with all my heart. Nancy and I are talking about marriage already and everything seems to be running smoothly until I introduced her to some of my old friends who she happens to know and started scheming to make me stop seeing them...meanwhile, my friends were clamoring for a time-alone with me...I put one and two together and figured there must be something I need to hear. Nancy wants me off them while they want me to meet them.

I arranged the meeting without Nancy... and after their modest delay, the started talking..."They told me how Nancy was gang-raped in her third year and how she went away and never came back to finish her degree and how she is not the best lady I can get around. The worst part of it was that the rape-video was released and it went viral...’’

 

‘’Right now, I am at cross-roads as to what to do now...I am really not comfortable with the fact that she has not told me this by herself...as my friends claimed they can get the video if I really need to see it. Hmmm. Should I just confront her or let it go since its in the past...but if I do let it go...how would my friends see me? I am just tired’’

Now I really cant say if hearing the Nancy's secret was best for me. We have come a long way. I don't want things ruined but I cant cope with this kind of information which she has not still opened up to me till now. I don't blame my friends, if I were in their shoes, I would have told them too. Whatever they told me was for my own protection.

Please @bondbetter I need advice.

 

Please advice this young man.      

What level of information should a lady tell a guy before while dating?

At some point, would one need the approval of friends to stay in a relationship?

What role should friends play in your relationship?
Is it proper for a friend to aid or influence your decisions concerning your relationship?
Aren't there friends who can advice meaningfully?

 

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