Monday 28 April 2014

I LOST MY FLOWER TO MY STEP-FATHER...

“Now I need to tell my mother to get a HIV test done. I just got my terrible news...I am positive" and this implies that my mum certainly has it too. I am Lucia, an only child who lost her father at age seven. My mother re-married when I was fourteen years old and it has been more destructive than supportive to us. My step father is a building contractor while my mother is a diplomat. As a diplomat, mum was always away. She stays briefly and is away for long leaving our house help, Etteh, myself and her husband alone.
 
While away, my step father, whom I now see as an infected he-goat would start making passes at me. He would grab me at every opportunity, call me into their room for errands at odd hours...and after a while, with several threats, he over-powered me...he forced his way through...and I lost my flower to my step-father. Whenever mum is around, I make attempts to confess to her but she would always postpone our conversation..."because of her busy schedule", I discovered I started having feelings for him, and I started caring for my "dad" until one day when he sent me to his room as usual for the usual purpose, as I cleared the table, a paper fell off, I picked it up and guess what...It was his HIV result...He is positive. While I felt sorry for him and tried holding my scream, It dawned on me that my grave is already being dug.
...I have confirmed and yes, I have it too.
 
Finally after two months away, my mum shows up, by this time, my “dad” and I are fully aware of our status and there is a big dilemma. My mum finds out and she hurriedly did a test and found out she was negative. Now she is pointing hands of accusation at me, calling me a bad daughter that has stolen her joy and brought her shame. How is this my fault?
When I did everything possible to tell her but she would not listen and her husband was also threatening to tell my mum that I am the one seducing him if I don’t allow him have his way’’
 
‘’I am deeply offended by all men and I will spread the "sexual good-news" to all of you. In short, anyone that comes close would get his share’’
‘’How else could I have done it?
I don’t know what to do, I need help. She wants me out of her life and my step-father is claiming he got it from me. Please what should I do?’’
 
My people, you have read it all. My quick advice, don’t go holding anyone that is not your wife let alone allowing the devil trick you into sleeping with them. “E no dey show for face o”
 
What is your take on this issue?
Parenting gone wrong?
At fourteen and above, is she still naïve?
Any precautions?
 
 
roommeetimes.com

Monday 14 April 2014

How long is long enough for dating?



Times have changed and the people occupying the world of course have really changed, mentalities, ideals, priorities and the way things are done have really taken some drastic new turns.
In those days, although I wasn't there, I was reliably informed by many who witnessed it that relationships were built on trust and indeed that proverbial blindness we often try to debunk these days  ‘’love is blind”.

How do you explain this? My mother told me, she wasn’t even dating my father before they got married. The guy shows up at the house, meets her uncle, points at her that he was interested, she looks at him, likes him too and in less than a jiffy, their first son was out, that’s me. It was really fast. Well, as I write, many years have gone down and my parents are still happily married and now aging together.

You may want to excite yourself, ask your parents or someone who might know how they met and precisely how long it took them to get married. You would be shocked how it appeared as if they jumped before looking…yet, their relationship stood the test of all times.

Today, it’s a different ball game. Let’s consider our modern day theories of dating before marriage vizaviz the success/failure rate juxtaposed with the old school, “short or no dating at all” style vizaviz the success rate of those relationships.                    
This opinion is not a “no” to dating, it’s a questioning of how and how long people should actually date?

I have a family friend, a lady who has been with her “bobo” for over four years now and whenever we ask how they are doing. She says “very soon”…and I am aware they have on one or two occasions…aborted…
I am sure you have an idea of this kind of situation.

Please how long is considered okay for dating?
Should people date for long?
Is it also advisable to discourage dating? I know your answer would be a big “no”, but please substantiate your stand.





pix from

Monday 7 April 2014

HOW CLOSE SHOULD WE EMBRACE A RE-SURFACED OLD FRIEND?

“I went out with my family for lunch one of those days I was available, as I work off-shore. As we savored the meal, I heard someone call my middle name. It was called like someone with information about me. I heard "Sparkle", "Sparko" only my bossom friends call me Sparko
 
Now I knew that whoever that was surely knows me well enough. I started looking around and guess what...It was Marcus, my one-time closest friend back in school. We haven't seen for over 11yrs and we barely kept in touch as we heard he went into the SSS and his work required him to go underground.
 
It was really good to see Marcus, he was looking really cool. I couldn't resist a hug and a proper re-union. We didn't Just have lunch, I invited him to the house and that was the beginning of my undoing.
Marcus told me how he needed to let a blackmail on him go away only if he could raise 3M in a two weeks, and that's why he has come to PortHarcourt to take hiding and run around for the money.  I was willing to help. I have the money.
 
I spoke to my wife about Marcus' situation and she disagreed to both financial assistance and providing temporary shelter for him. We stayed on this matter until she agreed to both with the influence of my veto-power. I gave Marcus 3M and he went away and has not been in touvh again. I simply assumed that it was  the SSS at it again.
 
Now as I write, I just watched a video of my secretary and I “Ungauarded”. Marcus sent the file to my phone and sent same to Isioma, my secretary. We were kissing in a hotel room far away in an off-shore camp. I need you to know that this is the first time ever I would try such and it didn’t go beyond that and I totally regret that action. He says he would send the next copy to my wife if I don’t raise 5M by week end.. Its Monday morning.
 
I am suprised to get this kind of treatment after raising him 3M and accomodated him despite my wife's refusal. I started digging about him. Called some other friends of ours. It turns out I am the third victim of his blackmail and he never had anything to do with the SSS.For a guy that was very close to the head of the fellowship back on campus, it is absolutely unbelievable that Marcus has become a scam.”
 
You have read it all.
Would it be wrong to embrace an old friend totally?
Are there precautions we should follow?