The thought of an inter tribal marriage to some would pass
for a taboo. Don’t blame or judge them so fast, people have experiences and
they have reasoned out some principles that would guide their lives so that
they don’t fall into that pit anymore. Regretfully, I want to cite the Warri
Crisis of 2000-2002 where tribal killings was the order of the day. It got so
bad that Itsekiri women that were married to Urhobo men were killed regardless
of the blood mix. On the other side too, Urhobo women married to the Itsekiris
were not spared by the Itsekiris. It was a massacre. Now, put yourself in the
shoes of anyone who has this kind of experiences, would you advocate inter
tribal marriage?
On the contrary, in this modern day where State of origins have become useful only for mentions as locations, a
person who is still restricted to a point of nursing the slightest prejudice to
anyone from another tribe can be
justifiably referred to as an illiterate
racist.
Times have changed and it is still mentioned till date that preferential
treatment and consideration is given to a lady getting married to same tribe
man as the man also would be treated in same light. The in-laws are bound by ethnicity even before their children take the new bond.
Many homes with
inter-tribal marriages have had the challenges of what language the children
speak, what culture they imbibe and so on...albeit the father would always want
the children to reflect his tradition but because he is never home, the woman
by default would teach them her culture.
Another crucial issue is that of
in-laws speaking the local language to the seeming "deafness" of the
other partner...which in most cases ends up as a misconstrue of issues.
No doubt, the success of inter or Intra-tribal marriages do not lie in the hands of their tribes but the people involved, let us look through the issues that are key in these choices.
Give your take
pls.
Is it okay to
marry from other tribes? What did you consider before staying with your present partner?
The floor is now open.
i don't think i can encourage different tribe marriage at all, not even anybody dare to me
ReplyDeletethis is a long awaited topin i have silently waited for on this blog.over my living and dead body will i let my kids especially my daughter, so long a letter, i have bookmarked this page i need to see what others would say about this.
ReplyDeletethomas
biting my finger is an understatement, i am regretting my decision, its so painful, but am married so i have to stay, it is NOT OK to marry from another tribe please, i don't want to wash my dirty linen outside
ReplyDeleteViewed from a globalized view, this is an irrelevant discussion as marriage is a decision only for the parties involved. In Europe and North America, many young people disregard their parents expectations to marry outside their race, religion or class. Therefore, while a Nigeria-centric view might want to stop such marriages, the young people of tomorrow will not allow their parents to determine their life choices. Our parents generation accepted arranged marriages. Our generation marries for love, although we still strive not to offend our parents. The next wave is that the future generation will liberate themselves totally and marry whoever they want. It is already happening to Nigerian kids in Europe/America. And am sure it will happen in Nigeria too - starting from Lagosians.
ReplyDeleteBondedhome. This is a nice observation. As far as i am concerned, i would encourage my children to marry for love and no other sentiments. People should open up their hearts and embrace other people for Gods sake. God of cos knows why he created us with different tongue, traditions and belief systems. Love is not tribal, its a feeling that cuts accross all.
ReplyDeleteOxborne Obi
Sorry, we are Africans. Lets not over form. In no way can you compare the fluidity in communication to when the coupls have to speak English to each other by all means. Africans have an identity. Kolade
ReplyDeleteI dont have issues with tribe. I can marry anyone as long as we love one another.
ReplyDeleteAh tooo. Love is all that matters
ReplyDeleteLove does not see colour neither does it recognise tribe. I have dated in the past people from my tribe but ended in the negative. I am married to some1 from another tribe and 4yrs down the line, I can comfortably tell you that if there is another life after this, I would look for my husband and marry him again and again.
ReplyDeleteWhat is most important is knowing the family you are marrying into because I Have seen so many crashing marriages and they married even people from their town.
Success in marriage is not accorded to tribes but to the families involved and to both partners willing to make it work.
Gone are the days where tribal difference was a big deal because the devil you don't know may be from your tribe.
Just follow your heart and enjoy marital bliss which is most important.
this is interesting, i will encourage my kids to marry for love,. shikena
ReplyDeleteLOVE is very important,although dey might b an issue wit language,culture n traditions but if d couples understand each oda very well dere wunt b any prblms
ReplyDeleteAzizzat
Tribe,culture,tradition. Dosn't really matter in a marriage.what matters most is knowing who you are marrying and understanding the person. Tribe dos not make people compactable either dos culture but understanding and Ŀ♡√Ɛ can do the magic.
ReplyDeleteSirechimex
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Bashiru, wake up, we are not in that realm anymore when our parents called the shots as to who we married. Times have changed. The blogger too sad that.
ReplyDeleteOby
Have you ever seen a white man marry a woman he cannot communicate with? Ans me pls.
ReplyDeleteBashiru
Things have really changed. I am of the opinion is that marriage is not something that should be decided by ethnicity. It dhould be heartfelt. Nonthe ess, you want to be someone that you guys can communicate very effectively.
ReplyDeleteSuzan,Abuja
Nigerians can form ehnnn. When more than 90perc of them are actually married to ppl from their tribes...nice one bh...not bokoharam o. Bondedhome.
ReplyDeleteJulian
Reminds me of that very baseless sacrilege that happened in Warri. I was ryt in the heart of Warri, if you know Warri, youll know where they call Upper. People lost their lives fpr baseless reasons. If you ask me, i think the blogger has a point. If those women that were killed were married to their townsmen, their lives would have still been with em ryt now. Shame. The country has become too ehnic.
ReplyDeleteOghenero
@oghenero, you are so on point, those women would still have their lives now IF they had married their towns men
ReplyDeletePls stop comparing yourselves with the white folks..theirs is a free world. Some even get married and call their parents on phone to say mum i am marred.
ReplyDeleteAdesewa
People should marry for Love, not tribes. Marrying from any tribe doesn't affect marriage, cos the man marries the lady not her tribe or the other way round
ReplyDeletePeople should marry for Love, not tribes. Marrying from any tribe doesn't affect marriage, cos the man marries the lady not her tribe or the other way round
ReplyDeletePeople should marry for Love, not tribes. Marrying from any tribe doesn't affect marriage, cos the man marries the lady not her tribe or the other way round
ReplyDelete"Adesewa you are so right, the white man's culture has so encroached into our system that the traditionally wrong moves now seem right before everybody, i would not forbid my child from marrying who she wants to marry, but i will make sure i lay the cards open for them as a parent after which the out come of their decision is their,they would bare
ReplyDeletefolusho
its wrong for anyone to judge anyone lesser or inappropriate just because of his tribe or skin color. kapish
ReplyDeleteedwin
Any Marriage that will suceeded is the one were has both parties are committed and willing to make it work irrespective of the tribe or race. Its all about the parties and not their tribe cos non of us has a choice on that the tribe or race we re born into.
ReplyDeletewell i won't say inter-tribal marriage can't work o, but i have experienced a crisis where the hausa men kill even their children and wives who are not hausas. what can you say to that? i'd rather marry my tribe and be in safe hands than going to marry a man for love alone
ReplyDeletehausas are the worse set of tribe to marry form, ones they say allahu akbar na kill them go begin kill, they would even go for the ones who seem closest to them
ReplyDeletewhat do you mean by that tricia, must you mention hausa here? why do you christian like causing fight all the time,mcheeewww mumu
ReplyDeletefatima, na you be mumu first class,don't you see what your brothers boko haram are doing? nimcompoo
ReplyDeleteI think, tribal difference is to be kept aside. If the couple understand each other, 80% of their marital issues will be solved. What matters is the love, when there is love, understanding and considetation will take place.
ReplyDeleteVery very interesting @ tricia and fatima. As much as I do not have any issue with inter tribal marriages, I prefer to be among my pple. Merry christmas. Margaret
ReplyDeleteNo comments! Just wanted to point out what is happening between "Tricia" and "Fatima". This is Nigeria not UK. We have our diffrences it has always been there. Religious intolerance, ethnicity. But we all have choices. So choose and stick to ur choice and outcome.
ReplyDelete