HOLD ON...BEFORE YOU MARRY MUMMY

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BONDEDHOME has a special gift for the writer of the 100th and 200th comment on this story. Note: ONLY CONSTRUCTIVE & RELEVANT COMMENTS WOULD BE CONSIDERED. As you drop a comment add a valid email address. Happy New Year 

I trust your week has been splendid with the Christmas celebrations nicely tucked in while we welcome one of our best years ahead.

Kindly read Derrick's' story keenly as it appears his case is unique.

Please read on...
"Four years ago when Nkechi and I were to get married, my family and friends had very mixed, turpsy-turvic feeling about us.

They supported me not US. Since it was my call, they all pretended to be happy for me. My wife as at then was 39 while I was 30. She was my new boss at the office and we got along really quick. I was cock sure it was love. Although she sounded like she needed to get married as soon as possible but I didn't see any problem with that. Its only normal. Nkechi possesses the beauty of a decorated queen and her maturity caught me. Let me not bore you.

Right now, my wife looks like a deserted queen. She is 44 and I am now 35. We have found it difficult to conceive, and to worsen it, I decided to leave the job as the company policy does not allow couples and as she is already a boss, I decided to look elsewhere using her contacts. So far, all the appointments I have got has been temporary and this time, I have been out of job for the longest time. I am very frustrated.

 Now, my wife has suddenly become distant or am I the one staying away?She tries to mother me rudely as if I were a kid.

I really cant tell what the problem really is, I don't have cash, she is not releasing cash under the guise that all the money is being spent on her health, we don't have any child, everyone is crossed with me and us, my parents want me to take another wife, infact a virgin, my wife now looks very unattractive, she is just like my aunty, old and now insultive. Gosh, i was so blind. Please tell me, can i ever get out of this? Truly I need fresh breathe. I am considering telling her to walk out of my life but the Nkechi I know is not a push over, especially with court marriage in place. Please advice me. I will be reading everyday. Thank you"

You have read it, kindly be as candid as you can ever be.

Is it okay for a man to marry a woman older than him?

What extent of influence should family and friends have one's' choice of partner?

Can an older lady actually submit to a younger guy in marriage?

Advice Derrick...

The floor is now open

All text on this blog are original work of bondedhome. Usage or re-print of any sort is not allowed without express permission from bondedhome admin.  

TELLING TRUTHFUL LIES

My dearest reader,i say a very dearie merry Xmas to you and a prosperous 2014.This week, thoughts of secrecy had sway and as usual, permit me to get your take on this. 

If you had several abortions before you got into this new relationship that is already headed to the altar, would you tell it all?

If your ex wife left you because you had an incurable low sperm count situation, would yout tell it all to your new beauty queen?

If your husbands best man made passes at you  on your bachelors eve night, would you tell your husband to be?

If you have an ongoing affair that now has a child to it, would you tell it all?

If your spouse is in a very dubious line of business? Would you tell it all?

If your spouse is a public office holder and he embezzles public funds, would you tell it all?

Would you go to the police if you found a bag of money in a cab?

If you discovered that your partner is gay, would you tell it all?

If you are lesbian, and marriage pressure finally catches up with you, will you tell your spouse you still lesbianize?

Can you tell anyone that you masturbate often?

Is it known to your spouse, inspite of her gyming to stay fit and trim,that you prefer a physique more robust than she is?

Can you ever tell anyone that you have blood on your hands?

Can anyone open up to all, that their source of wealth is fetish?

If you told your suitor or spinster all there is to you, wont they take off?

Secrets seem to adorn themselves with a great clout of evil, mischief, self-centredness, coupish moves, and always tempting one to justifying the need to tell a lie.

Once revealed they can be major trust-breakers even with more grave consequences. People who are ardent secret keepers can go any lenght to keep the secret secret.

Please pray hard not to get in the way of their secrets. In worst cases, they might even come after one's life just to keep the information to themselves.

A blown up secret often leaves sores and scars that are  indelible, irrepairable and in some cases trigger some sort of vengeance.

I am wondering if there could ever be sincere reasons to tell a lie, or a chain of lies? some call it truthful lies, diplomacy, information management, classified information and so on.

For spouses, can there be a justified reason to lie or keep secrets as the case may be? Are some information not kept in the dark to avert trouble?

Lets talk about this

The floor is now open.

INTER-TRIBAL MARRIAGE WAR

The thought of an inter tribal marriage to some would pass for a taboo. Don’t blame or judge them so fast, people have experiences and they have reasoned out some principles that would guide their lives so that they don’t fall into that pit anymore. Regretfully, I want to cite the Warri Crisis of 2000-2002 where tribal killings was the order of the day. It got so bad that Itsekiri women that were married to Urhobo men were killed regardless of the blood mix. On the other side too, Urhobo women married to the Itsekiris were not spared by the Itsekiris. It was a massacre. Now, put yourself in the shoes of anyone who has this kind of experiences, would you advocate inter tribal marriage?

On the contrary, in this modern day  where State of origins have become  useful only for mentions as locations, a person who is still restricted to a point of nursing the slightest prejudice to anyone from another tribe  can be justifiably referred to as  an illiterate racist.

Times have changed and it is still mentioned till date that preferential treatment and consideration is given to a lady getting married to same tribe man as the man also would be treated in same light. The in-laws are bound by ethnicity even before their children take the new bond.

Many homes with inter-tribal marriages have had the challenges of what language the children speak, what culture they imbibe and so on...albeit the father would always want the children to reflect his tradition but because he is never home, the woman by default would teach them her culture.

Another crucial issue is that of in-laws speaking the local language to the seeming "deafness" of the other partner...which in most cases ends up as a misconstrue of issues.

No doubt, the success of inter or Intra-tribal marriages do not lie in the hands of their tribes but the people involved, let us look through the issues that are key in these choices. 

Give your take pls.

Is it okay to marry from other tribes? What did you consider before staying with your present partner?

The floor is now open.

CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS DESPERATELY

Celebrations have become a vital part of our lives as people celebrate for all kinds of reasons. Once there is an interpretation connoting satisfaction and a financial calculation that shows some comfortable digits, why not? A party or an elaborate show of gratitude to God would not be out of place.

In a taxi during the week, I overheard two young men speaking one of our three major languages in a region where its not lingua franca, but thank God, yours sincerely is fluent in two or more Nigerian languages...they complained of how this year has not been such a great year for them and how they cannot go to the village without a car, without enough cash to show that they have done well within the year, one of them stated how his parents would be expecting him to bring one of his younger one over and business has been very bad...the complain kept rolling...

they even said, it is risky for one to go home these days with just sufficient cash, that you need extra, infact excess cash because you never can tell when subsidy would be yanked off and finally with a determined face, one said he has decided that " anyone who leaves his wallet carelessly may not find his pocket again, anyone who doesnt park well may not find his car anymore"...instead of celebrating a broke xmas, he would do whatever needs to be done within this short period. On hearing this, i quickly checked my wallet to be sure it was still on me.

Contrary to the real reason of the season,many people have turned it into a show of wealth, whether ill-gotten or not. This syndrome ripples into desperation among the non-capable ones who have also refused to cut their coat according to their cloth. They feel oppressed and become determined to go any length to become undepressed and become capable of rubbing shoulders with the supposed successful ones. Thus young men start stealing from people, young girls and ladies fall cheaper just to get paid after some sexual transactions among other shocking vices. All these would simply still pass as occurrences in the festive mood, it is allowed, it is a normal thing.                      

The society seems to have adopted show-off as a replacement to celebration of the birth of Christ. Please evaluate your knowledge and understanding of Christmas and be sure you are celebrating rightly and for the right reasons. Is Christmas a time to show how successful your year was and rob it deep on others? is it a time that people should take to crime just to meet up ?

What is Christmas to you ?

How should we go about the celebrations?

The floor is now open

HOW POLYGAMY RUINS US

Most people who have step brothers and sisters do not actually love them as much as they profess. It is extremely difficult to find true coherency between them. In some other cases where the step siblings decide not to pretend, with the aid of their mothers, they go as far as staging wars against themselves, sometimes very diabolic orchestrations that can cause eternal harm to one another.

Please correct me if you have seen any where a large polygamous family is devoid of strife, envy, rivalry, constant rancour and epileptic peace.       Polygamy by the Nigerian law, where couples are married by the court is viewed as a punishable offence called bigamy.  Nigerianizing it further, the economy doesn't encourage it and it is also authoritative that Christianity teaches that "and two shall become one", the court is also against it, only Islam permits it yet with a noble condition- that you love all wives equally. How then can one love two or more women equally?

The effects of polygamy goes beyond the individuals involved. Dont forget that they have been through a lot of emotional and financial insecurities, hence they tend to become carriers of bad-blood, always ready to attack, create unnecessary violence, malice breeders, commotion peddlers… this is because they grew under a very tensed environment.           

Naturally, they extend it to others and then the society at large. It is not uncommon to find irresponsible fathers who still chase some young ladies out there while they recklessly abandon their own overpopulated polygamous homes. (I dont know if you have seen Fuji House of Commotion- that is a comic version of the reality)

 Bondedhome is of the opinion that if this trend is checked, some bad-blood breeders would be avoided and families will experience more peace to the favour of the society.

1. Simply give your take on how to make a successful polygamous home? Shocked? Okay, give your take on how polygamy can be managed?

2. What are the advantages of polygamy?

3. What are the disadvantages of polygamy?

4.Does the Advantages outweigh the disadvantages and vice versa?

5. Which is the lesser evil, a nuclear family with an affair or a full fledged polygamous setting?

6. Sincerely, which do you prefer. Nuclear or polygamous?

The floor is now opened.