Dearest reader, i thank you once again for visiting bondedhome. It is very encouraging knowing that you come around. On this weeks' stories, permit me to ask you a favor. Kindly drop a comment for our victims as they really look up to this.
During the week, a couple got into a very serious argument which although
did not end up in a physical fight, saw the womans' properties being flung out
of the house. Justified or not? We cannot tell yet.
News later came that the man, Barr. Sam had attended their childrens'
school PTA meeting and while other parents complained to the authorities that
they planned increasing school fees from N98,000 to N125,000 without any new
facility on ground, our dear Barr. Sam got the shock of his life.
"Excuse me gentlemen, there seem to be a missing link here...I have two
children in this school and for the past two years, I have always paid N235,000,
so i am surprised at what is being
said here" Barr. Sam
fumed. The Proprietress took it up "Sir, I know your children, Anthonia in Basic
3, and Iyke in Basic 4, what they should pay is N98,000 and nothing more. Sir,
do you have any proof to this effect?" She asked Barr.Sam. "Of
course, I have all the receipts from the school" At this point, every one
knew indeed there is a missing link. "We do not issue receipts at all, we
accept bank tellers from parents after payment is done into our bank
account" the Proprietress confirmed.
Meaning, his wife pays the exact figure into the bank and gives him another
figure on a well printed receipt bearing the school's name.
As I shared this with a colleague, she had a bitter story to tell.
It was that of her friend, Yejide whose husband had been out of job for
almost 10 years and all efforts have remained abortive. Yejide and her husband Felix have remained childless so this made the
burden of fending not too heavy as it was just two of them. Yejide being a top
bank official accessed a very huge loan on Felixs' suggestion that they built a
house to secure their future.
The interesting part of the house arrangement was that the couple decided
to name the property after their "unborn children" Ayomide and
Oluwaseyi"- these are the names they intend naming their children when
they come.
Two years down the line, Felixs' people, precisely his mother, and his
uncles came "visiting". They had with them a beautiful lady and two
lovely kids.
''Yejide these last twelve years with you in our son's life has been unproductive and filled with bad luck. Since he married you, no
work, no child, nothing...but we thank God for the wisdom He has given our son,
he is the true son of his father...you see this lady? She is Abeke, your
husband's wife and these two, Oluwaseyi and Ayomide are their lovely children,
ehhhn he told us that he built this house for his children and now the children
are overdue to live in their house with their father and mother together...you
seem to be the odd one out...so...get everything that is yours in this house
and take your leave"
Yejide at this point realized she has been cajoled by her husband of many
years...he named his out-of-wedlock children the exact names they agreed on
naming their children when they come; the exact names on the property
document.
These stories bothered me...so i decided to share with you. My questions
therefore are
1. What extent of trust should you have in your spouse on financial issues?
2. Should couples co-own properties?
3. Is it a wise
idea to monitor your spouse's spendings?
The floor is now open.
Please make your candid comment as the victims are following.
Well one thing is sure, spouse should have an account togetha and also they have to watch each other's spending. D style
ReplyDeleteThe above two stories are samples of so many that happen everyday telling us the level of decadence in the institution we call marriage.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is marriage in the true meaning of it doesn't exist anymore. Because marriage was designed to be holy, Godly, and only built on the foundation called love.
But today, majority of us are simply what I choose to call "Partners with benefits" and nothing more. And this over time degenerates to one big deception.
My take is; if you are playing you are playing your spouse or your spouse is playing you, or you are playing each other, its not a marriage, its fraud. And you are fraudsters. One part of both stories that I seem to agree with is the end, As soon as you find out you are in a fraud, split.
Chinedu
07055333811
D 1st story sounds normal,we hv seen diff cases whr by wife "scam" der husband,proberbly bcos d guy is stingy or does not rilly spending moni on d wife,so she been a smart woman lookd 4 an alternative means to get moni from him.
ReplyDeleteD 2nd story is so pathetic,wat I will advice d lady in question is to walk away n leave everytin 4 d judgement of d Lord,d tin is anytin acquire by fraud does not last..............
Kenny akanji
At my age (early twenties) and also being a student -though I am halfway independent,I'd say I have no business commenting on marital affairs. But, I do believe I can share my thoughts on this very volatile issue. Having lived with two of my married sisters at different times. In my very opinion as regards the issue of "What extent of trust should you have in your spouse on financial issues?". I do realise that it is written "for two shall become one", but more importantly I understand some marriages are often not so. Be that as it may, I am of the opinion that individuals who have chosen against all odds to live together as man and wife trust themselves enough to take that bold step. And it is my opinion that such steps also foray into the financial sphere of the marriage, which is an aspect vital to the success of any symbiotic relationship
ReplyDelete"Should couples co-own properties?" This decision is totally at the prerogative of the couple. Different strokes for different folks
Last but not least; "Is it a wise idea to monitor your spouse's spending?" This is a fall back to the issue of "financial trust"
Thank you to @bondedhome for bringing this issue to the front burner!
Emma Odia
www.twitter.com/@Im_yearn
There should be common knowledge as to how what money is spent. In cases of fraud or scam as the case may be, it is very disappointing.
ReplyDeletePeace
so many things could have led to the womans attitude of sidelinning money from the man,in some cases it could be that the man is the selfish type who barely carries out the financial responsibilities of the woman,for sure a woman who gets all financial support from the man would do no such thing.to me the man should search himself
ReplyDeletemen are terrible and i just feel for this woman in the second story,she should move on and know one thing for sure that the man will definitely face judgement,it might not be immediate,but someday God will pay him back in his coin,and trust it will be terrible
ReplyDeletewomen can be so funny,why would she do such a thing to her husband,well this sounds like one part of the story,as no one knows what this woman faces in the home
ReplyDeletewhatever the womans reasons are she is not justified,such people should be a current visitor to this blog,so she know that she can do something with her hands and not stealing from the man period,its totally wrong and should not be supported.the second story is rather a pathetic one and the man is an ingrate,God alone will deal with him
ReplyDeletethis same experience of yejide's has happened somewhere around the eastern part of this country,the woman left the house quite alright but as i speak the man,his new wife and kids have been cremated,along side the house,i wonder why men can't just be faithful.
ReplyDeletethe first story is a normal norm in our society,women who wants to depend on their spouse for everything making them a small god in their lives end up doing such,the man should take her back,after all they say marriage is for better for worse
Men who are not sincere with their wifes fall prey to such things from their wife,if the man did not declare his income to his wife,there is every tendency the wife feels he is hiding so much more and might not be satisfied with what he gives her eventually.meanwhile if i was yejide mine is mine,not giving property to an unknown unborn children,the deed has been done,its left for her to be wiser now,after men would say women are heartless,they bring out the lioness in the woman and starts shouting afterwards,any victim of the woman deserves it squarely
ReplyDeletei don't believe love without sense is right,be in love but also be reasonable and sensible,why would yejide trust what a fellow human being,i have seen cases of spouses killing themselves because of properties,it can even happen to a man,i i have any property it would be bought in my name
ReplyDeleteits always good to declare ones financial state to your spouse,if you are man and wife why hide stuffs from your patner
ReplyDeletei have a wife who is even closer than m siblings and even mother,she is all i got,i don't hide anything from her neither does she hide anything from me,we started dating and eventually got married when i was nothing,she practically supported me till i stood financially,tell me why would i conceal anything from such a woman?if she does anything partaining to the first story i would ask myself if i have been fair to her,its just that we men have bruised ego,we thing we are the perfect and almighty husband that no fault ever comes fom us,the truth is a real man is a man who acceots his faults and amend his ways
ReplyDelete@Rolland i agree with you,you are an exceptional man who speaks the truth,to yejide,its rather unfortunate that you faced such treatment from your spouse,perhaps you were not meant to be,think less,but also know that God wuld give you the best of everything you have lost and what you don't even have
ReplyDeleteits not even good to co own properties,most cases its not because of the woman or the man,its also because of the lazy in-laws who wants to reap wheree they do not sow,thieves and eventually the woman is always at the receiving end of it all
ReplyDeleteTrust is definitely important in marriage cos u will live a miserable life if u are living with someone u dont trust. Thats why its always good to build a good foundation on christ before u say i do. In as much as we like to relegate it to the background, we cannot go far without God in any stage of our life.the holy spirit can teach you all things and makes all things easy for you. I will also encourage that we marry people we share the same faith with it helps us as we draw from the same source and makes it easier for us to understand ourselves and solve challenges faster.
ReplyDeleteThis case can be handled in the court of law, it can be argued out. She needs to get a good lawyer than to just sit back and allow one man and his usurper take over her labor.
ReplyDeleteJude
Barr. Sams wife has no justification at all. she does not have any excuse at all, even if the man is a bad man. she is unjustified. Well she should just apologise nicely and avoid more trouble. shits happen
ReplyDeleteGod has to purnish some people. He really has to.
ReplyDeleteFirst, let the Barrister clarify more by taking his wife with the reciepts she has been giving him to the person she pays to, they may just find another theif there. Then he forgives her and they move on. For the second family, as Jude said, Yejide should sue. the man no longer loves her, infact never loved her, so she should not even think she is sueing her husband. that might be her last resort.
ReplyDeleteLolade
Trust is key people. in these two relationships the level of trust betrayal is stunning.
ReplyDeleteCo-owning properties sure sounds like a great idea, but i feel that if a man wants to really secure the woman, he should do somthing that would be named to her, owned by the man but named by the woman.
ReplyDeletehmmm. these days, precaution is required... sense is needed.
ReplyDeleteSherryl
THESE ARE VERY SERIOUS EXHIBITIONS OF EXTREME CASE OF TRUST BREAKDOWN,
ReplyDeleteWomen, hmmmm, women,,, someone said many bad things begin with the letter w. how untrue is this? how can a woman treat her own husband like that?
ReplyDeleteIt is equally wrong for a man not to know how his spouse sends... its very ok to know, if you call it monitor, then so be it.
ReplyDeleteI don’t see anything wrong in co-owning properties,as long as both people involved understood each other properly and the man equally has job to do,he has to secure the woman and children tightly from the devouring hands of his people,nobody is praying for the loss of a patner,but a will is of great importance
ReplyDeleteWhy would i make my financial state a confidential thing, as for me i would declare everything to my spouse so when i tell her i don’t have cash i she would believe me...
ReplyDeleteSincerely, the truth is, when a woman knows your financial status, she even manages it for you better and she makes less demand because she knows all i have, but in the case of the first story am not so sure the man told the wife his financial state, then she feels he isn’t giving her enough
ReplyDeleteI am not saying one shouldn’t trust ones partner o, but when you are dealing with your spouse you should know when things are fishy, because am sure if she had payed attention to what the man does around am sure she would have gotten a clue or two at least somehow, sorry you had to learn in the manner you did, just take it in good faith, believe God for a better spouse and children, if you don’t feel like getting married again i advise her to pick up a child or kids as the case maybe and start her life over,God will definitely bless her and punish the idiot
ReplyDeleteYejide please start your life over again, God is not asleep
ReplyDeleteIts a normal thing with most women i don’t know why it is like that
ReplyDeletei can never declare my property to a man,never i have learnt my lesson the hard way and i don't think i will be fooled again never,every man to himself,and if he thinks he wants me to know what he earns all well and good,if not,no problem at all
ReplyDeletei have an exceptional blessing packaged in my spouse,he is everything i can ever think of,the bible says if the foundation is faulty what can the righteous do?for any of these things to have happened to this 2 victims am so sure the foundation is faulty
ReplyDeletedeclaring your assets and financial state to your spouse isn't a big deal,it helps them plan better as a team,but anyways the bible said wisdom is applicable in all things
ReplyDeletei really feal for yejide,the man is really a fool and so heartless,he is not yet jobless,such an ingrate,yejide please move on with your life God will surely reward you for every support you have rendered to that man,he will help you pay back the loan
ReplyDeletethat man is going to regret his actions,he just lost something great in his life and he would weep,don't worry yejide a saying goes thus,"you never know the worth of what you have until you loose it,he will come begging am sure that when he realises his mistakes and return to you,you would have found a man who really cherish you
ReplyDeleteits a right thing to do for each other,serve as a watch dog to each other,its our money the moment they said I DO
ReplyDeleteThose people are not compatible,and am so sure she must have been having and even seeing warning signal,but am sure she didn't pay attention to them,its painful,but please move on,life is filled with suprises
ReplyDeleteYejide, look unto God for a child and belive that he would restore everything that you have lost. But also as others have said, you may still have a chance in court. just get a good lawyer and give it a try
ReplyDeleteahhhhhhhhhhhh.....................am screaming,,,,can't believe people can be this heartless, after all she has done for you,karma will definitely locate that nonsense man
ReplyDeletelife is indeed full of surprises,na only God sure pass o i tell you,when you put your trust in God he will and can never let you than,man will promise so much but fail at the end
ReplyDeleteI think the first story is very common among women. men hardly swindle their wives. just take statistic.@blogger Sir, can we get the other side of the stories too?
ReplyDeleteLife is cruel, life has been very cruel to Yejide, For Barr. Sam, where has he been?
ReplyDeletenonsense in-laws and useless man,like father indeed,the new lady should enjoy it while it last because the man would soon sell off the property on her..mchheeewwww
ReplyDeletena waaoooo this life ehnn,,,,i might not blame barr. sams wife so much,perhaps the man is a loose spender so she is just trying to save some cash for the man
ReplyDeleteyejide,if you did court marriage,the man can be sued for marrying another woman so he can pay through his ass,shameless man,gold digger lazy bone
ReplyDeleteit shall never be well with that man who did such an heartless thing to that woman
ReplyDeleteif i were the husband in the first story, i ll simply play along and wait until the day we need to pay another school fees. i ll follow her to the school or wherever she gets that recipet and see how it all happens. God help her
ReplyDeleteKalu
These are serious matters i tell you. these relationships, if they keep working will not last anymore. women are supposed to be keepers f wealth, in my place we call them "Odoziaku". When a woman begins to scatter your wealth, is she still wit you?
ReplyDeleteit is very easy to blame the woman. who knows how terrible this man is at home. i am not trying to justify her action but mehn, when you chase a goat to the wall it turns and faces you. So, @Nnamdi, the woman may not be scattering as you put it.
ReplyDeleteChineke...i cant imagine this happening to me, she is gone o.
ReplyDeleteYejide should not leave the house, they just cant send her packing like that...she should beg the man not to chase her out., let her watch and see God fight for her. whatttt? some men are simply devil's incarnate.
ReplyDeletei dont think its a bad idea knowing what one's spouse is doing with money, after all, they should have a common knowledge of whteva comes into the family. this is in an ideal situation.
ReplyDeletehmmm. how many men tell their wives what they earn? especially our Igbo husbands...they just bring. you cant ask.
ReplyDelete@Amara, let me ask you, are you married? is your husbsand a salary earner or a trader?
ReplyDelete@Obi, you see what i am saying? ihunlaya, you guys are egoistic, let the truth be told. i am very sure there is almost no Igbo man that delcares his income to his wife, i am married and i know what i am talking about.
ReplyDelete@Amara and Obi, lets not ride the horse where is doesnt want to go. this issue is not a tribal thing... its a personal matter. you run your home the way that pleases you. For instance, i state it to her clearly and i am typical Igbo..
ReplyDeleteWho would advise that poor lady not to leave the house, it would only worsen situation for her, i don’t think that is the best thing to do yours sincerely, dearest yejide please leave the house, i assure you that insane ingrate would come crawling
ReplyDeleteI pity some men a woman who is already playing pranks on the husband like this is capable of even selling the man off as an item can’t and would never declare my asset to such a wife
ReplyDeleteSome people are wolves in sheep’s clothing, both the male and female gender, God help and save us
ReplyDeleteYejide should move on, shit happens and when it does ,all you have to do is just to clean up yourself and move on
ReplyDeleteEverybody is just asking this poor woman to move on, it’s true yes i would move on though its easier said than done, but i would make sure i take my pound of flesh
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI feel you jaare, you are the most sincere person so far on this comments on yejide’s story will castrate that animal and teach if some vital lessons that might cost his life, if he didn’t die in the cause of the lesson, he would never forget it in a hurry. As for Barr i don’t feel for you at all, your wife isn’t insane that she would sleep and wake up the next day to want to start swindling you, you must be a selfish man for her to venture into such act, wiffy ride on men should not be pitied
@sweetie What kind of woman are why would you be supporting bad thing and giving such terrible advise, please o, i even pity the man who married you or the one that will,i pray he sees this chat to know what kind of human being you are
ReplyDeletefrank Or whatever you call yourself, in all this you haven’t even given a single advise, you are here talking and commenting on my comment, please go ahead and take paracetamol for somebody’s headache mcheeewwww
ReplyDelete@sweetie Beast like you,i just pity you...
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete@ frank Please MR go and get a life, its an advise i suggest you take it well
The Barr’s. Wife should apologise to her husband, let peace reign, she did a terrible thing and it doesn’t speak well of her parents at all or even her upbringing.
ReplyDeleteThis thing is easier said thatn done. i saw one on vanguard this morning.that a man sends his wife packing because she hid childs school reciept. very funy.
ReplyDeleteYejide, i say a very big sorry to you and hope that you scale through this. my advice is that be strong. there is nothing new under this earth. let God fight for you.
ReplyDeleteBarr Sam. dont take any rash decision please. follow up gently and lets see where it leads. thanks
ReplyDeleteSorry, where and what else does he need to see. omo.. you dey sound like mugun.,
ReplyDeleteOn both cases, any rash decision would destory things further. Yejide should take it easy and let God fight the good fight for her.cos i cant imagine myself in this kind of situation.
ReplyDeletei would sue the hell out of them. they cannot live in that house o, we would scatter everything. how can? i am sure she must have also settled the loan alone. men are wicked.
ReplyDeleteWhatever it takes, i ll do to retain my sanity. cos this can drive someone crazy.
ReplyDeleteThis confirms that when seeking for a partner, one should ALLOW God direct. if God directs your path, He can never give you someone that is not worthy of you. People seem to be married for all the wrong reasons.After finding the partner, one should make God the husband of the marriage. its very clear that these marriages lack the presence of God.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice Egwu
Hmm,the bible says He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtains favor from the lord. pls clarify this with God helping you find the woman. clarify @Beatrice
ReplyDeleteWell, these questions posed by the blogger are very stack reality that people have always shied away from. It is now a very rampant thing in our society , a lot of financial infidelity...smh
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you,why won't you say its common with women,mcheeewww,who is worse,the woman or the man in dis story
ReplyDeleteThe female folks are not usually not favored in Africa,why aint anybody asking why the woman did what she did
ReplyDeleteAlmost everybody is on the same page as it is,90% Vote so I go with them
ReplyDeleteits actually very painful and disheartnening to hear such stories of betrayal emanating of couples wu have sworn to live together for better or worse! For me, there wus no element of love in both cases! When u truly love someone...and u get it back...marriage feels like unending 'moments in heaven', and everyfin becomes seamless! Pips occassionally say the face is the mirror of the mind, bt why can't it show wu is sincere and wu's not (#pondering); May God help the truthful and sincere men and women find 'their own' amongst the 'many unfits' in our society! Amen! Joshe El-Mero (Lagos)
ReplyDeleteThe first story is an involvement of almost all marriage. In this case, if she use those money to help in the family, is not bad. But if it is for extravagant and stupid material need, action is need to be taking.
ReplyDeleteFor the case of second story, this is were people are creating wickedness and havoc in there family with there own hand. "People killing people" in the sense that the woman is a living but dead person, and will do undo to take revenge. And you know what revenge means to a woman. Let them fine a way to make peace with her because, they have taking what makes her human away.
Gospel uchenna. (Aba, Abia State)
What a story. Well, responding to the questions as much as I can, I think every couple that lack trust ȋ̝̊̅§ a dead one. You have to trust Ɣø̲̣̣u̶̲̥̅̊r spouse until you notice suspicious movements, then, you probe secretely just like the man in the story.
ReplyDeleteI rest M̶̲̥̅Ɣ case.
The first story is not actually a new thing in terms of women collecting excessive fees for their children education from their husbands they also go as far as convincing d school mgt to be their accomplist. Well oga it shows dat u are not full involve in d affairs of your children education if you were, u would have discovered the untruthfullnes of your wife long time ago.
ReplyDeleteKudos to the author of this write up. Although I believe in God, but I would like to approach the subject matter in a psychological way, cos the marriage institution does not exist, mostly in the way God had created it to be; thus different strokes applies to different pattern.
ReplyDelete1. Financial trust- Is equally proportional to what you have noticed in your spouse. Right from the dating days, u can reallu know if your wife can be trusted financially by studying her ways and mode when it comes to money issues. Does she spend madly; is she a giver, can she manage? profile her, then put her in the limits u can acept. Its inwise to give acess of all you have to a spendthrift. Avoid heart attack.
2. CAPITAL NO to joint ventures, businesses or properties. Encourage him/ her ....give support; but stay apart, cos truly..theres no way the difference wont come out kudos mr flesh, although i support having something together in the kids name if there are any.
3. MYOB- Mind your own business. Sincerely you dont realy need to pokenose in your partners affair or watch the way they spend. A little advice here and there is appreciated,but studies have shown that even when financial advices are given, individuals still go ahead to satisfy there interest when it comes to spending money. Let her spend her money the way she wants provided she doesent come running back to you like the prodigal child.
Please these my summixe is not based on hate or segregation. Different strokes applies...why die young or have an heart break over something you can easily avoid? and I mentioned earlier that the key is knowing your partners financial behaviour. Wish you all well as you take Godly measures.
adeshina jas.