"My wife would wait until I make the first move whenever and every time
we need to make love. It always has to be me, even if she is obviously in the
mood. I am still trying to unravel why she treats me so. While we dated, we
followed the abstinence principle which was not easy but that appeared the
ideal and religious way to do it. It
wasn't easy but I did it, we did it. That must have been the cause of this
seemingly subtle emphatic rejection my wife now gives me. She waits helplessly
like a not-well-liked wife, till I come begging to satisfy her urges...and over
time, Its effect on me is that I now do it dutifully not willingly...with a
tint of grudge and dissatisfaction as to why I have to be the one initiating it
always and why she cannot just freely plant a kiss on my lips when she feels
like it too..
Is this because we abstained before marriage? Or my wife is simply a
pretender? Or she has a wrong teaching that it is strictly the man's duty to
hunt...as for the hunting part, it might be true but gone are those days when
men bragged about that...for God's sake, I want to be pampered too...
My dear reader, you have read it. bondedhome opines that this is
deeper than has been stated. It remains uncertain why he gets such reaction
from his spouse but some pointers can be identified.
You may be single, but surely won’t remain single forever. This concerns you too.
Give your take on...
1. Is it wrong for a woman to make the first move?
2. Does it matter who makes the move?
3. Possible consequences of this to the home?
The floor is now open.
4. For the men,would you prefer an expressive woman or one that brings out
the card in bits, either for naivety or pretence ?
This is really a very delicate issue as sex and intimacy forms a great part of the institution called marriage. For me, anyone can make the move, but as a man, i ll surely feel better if my wife is free enough to give me a nod when she wants me.
ReplyDeleteRufai Lawal
Hmm, well, this is a real family issue. I don't know why most women remain adamant despite complain from their partners. Once married freedom of expression should exist,no more things to hide.. our women should bail us out, I particularly want to know their real reason for this behavior even when they are married .
ReplyDeleteHmm, well, this is a real family issue. I don't know why most women remain adamant despite complain from their partners. Once married freedom of expression should exist,no more things to hide.. our women should bail us out, I particularly want to know their real reason for this behavior even when they are married .
ReplyDeleteHow do u then Kw the woman is obviously in the mood wen she's not making the moves. Dats to say she's making her kind of moves maybe u don't want dat kinda move and obvious woman are delicate and always wants to remain in there style so if u have to notice anything and get to her its just fine
ReplyDeleteMen are mostly the cause of a woman's silence and resistance to making first sexual move,how would I make a move and my husband would turn me down,it would make me look like a whore
ReplyDeleteAre the men tired of hunting? Please if you express yourself now, they ll say your eyes are too torn. Abeg...when he wants me, he should come.
ReplyDeleteWhy would my wife hold back from me when she is in the mood? I totally agree with the guy up there. It is a sublte rejection, a way of not accepting you totally. For Gods sake, if she cant come up to me, then she must be doing it with someone else. Brown, Lagos
ReplyDeleteTo answer your questions. Is obviously not wrong for a woman to make the first move. It doesn't really matter who make the first move. The consequences are very slim becos she does not refuse u sex.I would love for her to bring out the cards in bits. Back to the topic. It really depends on the lady in question. I have a married friend who complains of his wife always making the first move. Meanwhile while dating it was no sex before marriage. I have another married friend (lady) who was very expressive while dating and the guy was not finding it funny and it almost cause them their relationship and now they are married the guy is complaining of her not being expressive anymore. What do you say about that ? Irony of life. Communication is very important in every relationship/marriage. It takes two to tangle. Its not about getting married to the perfect partner but adjusting a little to make the marriage perfect.
ReplyDelete@Don, that was nice. I love that part "adjusting a little to make the marriage perfect, not necesarily having a perfect partner..:mmmmm
ReplyDelete*ROTFL* these comments are just darn great. Me I can't talk on the issue from a marital perspective, but em *clears throat* I prefer an... *fake coughing* ....an ex***s**e w**an (you say?) *lowers voice* I have said my bit. (We no hear wetin you talk na) *forms vex and raises voice* which one is una own jare? Kini? Joor @bondedhome thank you o! I have said my bit
ReplyDeleteEmma Odia
Admin @EdoBuzzer
@Emma. All dis ur codes, we don decode am. U mean you prefer an Expressive womab? You better be expressive too
ReplyDeleteLaura
*In Dbanj's voice* Omo wa gba let's go there, no long thing! *in 2Baba's voice* implication, implication.... *in psquare's voice* Dis na temptation, it can lead to uuuuum!!!
DeleteWomen make una express, we dey wait o
ReplyDeletethey are too shy, pretence don finish them
ReplyDeleteMen are just insatiable, if you express to him, they start judging you that mayb this is what you do when they are not home. If you dont and allow dem take the lead, they say you are too dull.
ReplyDeleteGod go help una.
D tin is most men r blind @ times,we ladies don't neccesarily need to tell u "we r in d mood"we show expressions,like been naked in front of u, wearing sexy night wear,change of tone,u knw,we make so many moves but most times u r blind to c,wat do u expect us to do,we just move back to our shell n wait 4 u to do d old schl ting.............long hissssssss,if u refuse to open ur eye u guys will continue to make d 1st move till thy kingdom cum
ReplyDeleteAzzizat Akanji
I dont think there is a problem with who makes the first move, infact, women should make the first move. Werent they the first to eat the forbidden fruit? Lets face it. This is absolute fakeness. The couple are being fake especially the woman. For her husband to have complained like a boy here, it must be a chronic situation. . Pamper your man and watch him treat you like a queen. Kapish.
ReplyDeleteInnocent Duru
@Azzizat. Let me remind you that men are different from women. Let me also ask you. How many men have woed a woman with signs? Action is key abeg. Yoruba would say oju loro wa.
ReplyDeleteDerinola
Mr.man. I think you are loosing it. You are becoming petty. You are not complaining that she is not doing you. Your complain is that she is not making the first move..what a case? See, i agree that women react a lot but i can tell that u really complain a lot. For instance, you said you want to start pornography. Your case is that you are allready enroute hell and you are looking for who to blame for it. Just go to hell.
ReplyDeleteLisa Onyinye
i don't blame women who don't make first move,in fairness to the female folk you don't expect me to make the first move to a man who bosses me around all day which is what 90% of US men do,how do you expect such a woman to feel sexy to the extent o making sexual move,its a psychological thing,i know many of you would hate my comment but this is also a factor that needs attention
ReplyDelete@ yinka thank you very much, please tell them, you have been the most sincere person on this weeks topic for discussion, since you say you are the man and you enjoy bossing us around please we the women would equally give you the privilege to boss in the bedroom,then the next thing you would start saying is tell them
ReplyDeleteif you are a woman and you don't like making the first move,or you don't know how to,learn it,just try it we the husband association like it
ReplyDeletehuman beings are so hard to please,if we make moves you would complain, if we don't you would complain.you all need God to start with,because all i see is a bunch of confused men who aint certain of what they want
ReplyDeleteits not wrong for the woman to make the first move and who makes the first move doesn't really matter, as a matter of fact i'd prefer a woman who brings out her cards in bit,its more adventurous that way
ReplyDeletedear blogger this is an issue o, my lips are sealed but i think i reason with what yinka said,never thought about it that way, that a new possibility
ReplyDeletei would share my tips with the house since the floor is opened,men i think you should learn to buy sexy lingeries for your wives, trust me, she would have a feel of body appreciation especially when they must have had kids for us, just do that,they would know you don't mind how their bodies have turned out over time,do this,i awaits your response
ReplyDeleteyou can call it pretence if you like on the part of the woman,you might be right but have you also thought of the possibility of too much day time activities could also shut her sense of intimacy,there you go, and you complain bitterly.abeg let the pretence continue, body no be wood, i work my ass out all day without your help and support and you want to pounce on me or expect me to be all romantic and sexy,wanting to make the first move, that one na lie o,it won't happen@ akanji i feel you,they are indeed blind......mcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
ReplyDeletehmmmm ISSUES!!!
ReplyDelete@ John samson please look inwards,yinka thumbs up jaare
ReplyDeleteits not a wrong thing for the woman to make the first move, but over time a lot of factors have crept into the home that turns the woman from expressing herself properly especially in the area of sex
ReplyDeleteover time when the man finds himself making the first move and all the woman does is to lie down like a log of wood,over time the sex and love life of the couple becomes boring and it brings strain into the family, women please be more open men please learm to be sensitive and everybody will smile
ReplyDeleteanytime any day i prefer an expressive woman,because with an expressive woman,you are sure of getting sexy first moves *myopinion*
ReplyDelete"Worse still, some women are even circumcised for this exact reason of taming the" woman" in them.
ReplyDeletethese thing still happens
Well, as long as one party is not fufilled about their sex life and it remains unresolved, there would be a gradual breakdown on the bond they share.
ReplyDeleteit doesnt matter who makes the first move, what matters as far as i am concerned is who makes the right move. happiness, peace and tranquility should be placed above any self pride.
ReplyDeleteif you know within yourself that you are not such a great sex person, why not just come out plain and arranage something with your partner, so that he would not be expecting more than you can actually offer.
ReplyDeleteIbidun
can you imagine what this man is saying. Are you tired of being the man, you can exhange positions with your wife
ReplyDeletei really pity your situation. It shows that you are very delicate and quite emotional. many men would not even realise who makes wht move, they would just be okay that whenever they want it she is always there. she doesnt reject and she is willing. If your wife is always holding back, i think you should talk about it. not confront her. but dialogue with her. and then sit yourself down and repent of all the bad things you are already doing. like watching porn and all that rubbish. you are thre head of the home, so be in charge and dont allow the devil plantr lies in your head.
ReplyDeleteDominic
where are those places where women pay the groom price o. i wan go there
ReplyDeleteLexxy
Sir, if your wife is always waiting on you, it means you need to go and learn some skills. you too seduce her na
ReplyDeletehmmmm, bondedhome, nice one. i am gulity of this too, but i have my reasons. see, we are told that men are moved by what they see, so, i go all out to dress very sweet at night, wear short things and even wear very appealing body sprays so that my husband can see me and hen appreciate me and finally come to mama, but the reverse is the case, it appears, on those very days that i go all out, he goes all in, withdrawing as if, we can only have it when he wants it. not on my call.Now when he comes, i cannot say no becase he is my husband. with all this,m i just started cautioning myself until now, i dont care to enjoy it... i am very sorry if i have gone really personal here, but its really not a nice experience.
ReplyDeleteWONDERS SHALL NEVER END
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE HEADING TO HELL WITH THIS PLAN 'let me just face strange people who would beckon unto me than feel strange with someone I am married to"
ReplyDelete@ LEXXY....INDIA AWAITS YOU...LOL...
ReplyDeleteahahahhahahahaha lexxxy, i shake my head for you,you would eventually become a woman, your name is already tilting towards that direction @ george good response
ReplyDeleteit's really interesting to hear people voice out , am so sure people are really learning
ReplyDeletei have a question for the men, how many times have you voiced out your intentions,isn't it always by actions, and the woman would pick the signal? why then do you want the woman to voice out,ofcourse am sure your wives make the first move but like someone said above you are too blind to see what she is trying to say
ReplyDeletekamsi
thank you bonded home, a woman once told me she doesn't know how to make the first move and i tried explaining to her in your words here of the possible outcome of not doing this,i wish she can read this and see what people say about it
ReplyDeletesandra
the men has their flaws so does the women,but in all this is a background for all to pay attention to and learn one or two things
ReplyDeletenice one bondedhome, your stories are really great with enough lessons to learn from them,
ReplyDeleteon point ,why can't the expression just flow,i think the men should also give a listening ear to their wives plus pay more attention to her
ReplyDeletei don't blame the woman who tends to pretend she doesn't want sex, i have seen some cases whereby the man accuses the woman of being hyper active,why won't such a woman withdraw and wait for the husband to come,women are so capable of holding on for a longer time than a man so when a man does that she silently withdraws into her shell
ReplyDeleteW.S
its not wrong for a woman to make the first move at any point in time, such woman is absolutely on point
ReplyDelete@ brown, you are such an awkward fellow i have been following your comments all the way from other stories, you are such a senseless talker... mcheeewwwww
ReplyDeletei prefer my cards in bits anytime any day, so our lives doesn't get boring,men gets tired of same thing all the time
ReplyDeletei tried coming all out and the next thing i heard was" dear please you would have to slow down, am getting choked here" that was the most embarrassing moment of my life, so you see permit me to say men don't really know what they want
ReplyDeletehow could you say men don't know what they want? you can say your spouse, not grouping all men together
ReplyDeleteif you ask me,na who i go ask, bondedhome,nice job,i thought it was only home issues until i saw other life teaching lesson driving issues,that VACANCY really drove in something strong,i suddenly realised i have been helping someone buid his dream and secure the future of his generation while my dream lie fallow and eventually i'd leave or hand over the toiling to my children and it all continues...GOD BLESS YOU
ReplyDeletein some religions it is a taboo for the woman to make such moves,how then can one reconcile this differences,that simply means the woman would eventually put her eyes outside to every dick,tom and samson
ReplyDeleteits absolutely not wrong at all for a woman to make the moves
ReplyDeletehmmm,some people are sure learning from this,thumbs up bondedhome
ReplyDeletethis is the most matured,creative blog i've ever seen, away from those fake celebrity copy and paste blogs, well done bondedhome, you are really affecting lives positively
ReplyDeletemen get this straight, if your woman is pretending, you are the cause, if you call us pretenders, you must have given us a reason to pretend, simple
ReplyDeletewait o,i don't understand this, why are the men forming victims here? abegiii these men are the first hand pretenders
ReplyDeletequeen
its not a wrong thing if a woman makes the first move,but the men are making it look wrong...don't ask me how
ReplyDelete@ anonymous you have no point,if you do why not state it,instead you said we should not ask you how.......am laughing
ReplyDelete@ dominic, nice one bro, you just said it the way it is, hitting the nail on the head
ReplyDeletehmmm some people are daily dying in silence
ReplyDeletedialogue is the best not confrontation,if your wife isn't making the move like you want it,tell hern finding solace else where is cheating and you are on your way to hell gradually because you would eventually put your family assunder and end up living a miserable life before you eventually get to hell
ReplyDeletecards in bits?hmmmm that sounds interesting
ReplyDeleteall this comments are mind blowing and quite revelational, there is no way i would have issues like this when i eventually settle down
ReplyDeleteshould there be a time one is in the mood and when you shouldn't be?
ReplyDelete@bondedhome please i have an issue i need you to put up on the blog for peoples opinion about it,please help i need to read peoples view about it,i don't know what to do,i was referred here, please how can i reach you personally
ReplyDeleteissues like this on who or who should not make the first move is supposed to be a 2way thing, give and take. my opinion
ReplyDelete@kings you are right, that makes the world go round
ReplyDeletefirstly i will like to state it clear that if a woman is resisting or not as flexible as the man wants, it's the man's fault,i read a comment above that a woman cannot be at her best with her husband if she has a man who bosses her around and doesn't support her in any way,i so much agree to that,you can never get the best out of a woman that way,so the men should also slow down and you would see a different sex life of your wives,it psychological
ReplyDeletewhen you expect too much,you get disappointed,you find yourself watching pornography and you think its the best? my brother devil na apprentice for your side
ReplyDeleteahahahahahaha...............devil be apprentice? nice one..him case na long thing o....please, pornography is enslaving and that is the devils device please and please don't fall for it,it's dangerous, don't wreck your home
ReplyDeletei wonder why men can't just be contented,spiritual oliver twist
ReplyDelete@ akanji you make sense die
ReplyDeleteno.1 its not wrong for the woman to make first move.
ReplyDeleteno.2 its doesn't matter who makes the first move
no.3 if the man keeps making the first move just like the writer said f the man he gets bored over time
no.4 i would not appreciate pretence, i'd love her to bring out the cards in bits
no.5 a home and a society with christ is always peaceful, to cap it up christ is needed in the home as well as the society, with the holy spirit te author of marriage you can NEVER get it wrong he is the only satisfier
thank you bondedhome
ReplyDeleteat anonymous there is no number 5, you have therefore failed the test.lol, just kidding nice one
ReplyDelete@ disturbed one, you can talk to me, give me a call on 080???6723??????
ReplyDelete@ councellor the fellow is truly disturbed why are you joking,please bonded home respond to the person,we want to help
ReplyDeleteAs far as I am concerned,it does not matter who makes the first move,what matters is the mutual agreement or the consent of both parties to enjoy themselves.And iit is not also good for the wife to be waiting for husband to make the move first because the woman may only be having it when the man has the urge.
ReplyDeleteThe truth Is not far fetched, men are the architect of what your home looks like...END of STORY
ReplyDeleteThere are so many truthful men in this place,i really love what @bede said,it's about mutual understanding and respect, dialogue says it all
ReplyDeletetruth be told when a woman makes the first move, it is expected of the man to make her effort worth it, that is when she opens up the more and you get to appreciate the woman
ReplyDeleteas for me, if only some women know how far making the first move to their husbands mean,am sure they would make the first move all the time
ReplyDeletealot of things are better thought to women, because some women see it as a thing to shy away from, that is why every man should enroll their wives for finishing school, they would learn alot and in turn lavish it on their husbands and even the home
ReplyDeleteyes you are right @anonymous my husband enrolled me for a finishing school and it was like i had been blind all the way
ReplyDeleteabstinence from sex before marriage is an appropriate thing to do and it does not in any way or should not in any way affect you way and manner of living, so i think that possibility should be ruled out of the reason why she doesn't make the first ,move
ReplyDeleteall i have to say is that upbringing differ,so if you are a man and you have a wife who doesn't do some certain things, this is my opinion, why don't you have a decent conversation with her, telling her the things you want from her,if possible teach her, going after pornography isn't the best, because pornography is a virus when in your system destroys a lot of things
ReplyDeletewomen have been termed a second class citizen especially in the african setting, this over has time affected the lifestyle and comportment of a woman in so many areas, so i will not categorically state that women are pretenders, as that may be a very wrong notion, now in all this if you have a wife in your home, it is expected as a matter of fact to teach her,giving her the reassurance that you are there for her, make her come out of the societal grievous shell she must have gotten into,teach her in love if need be and just like the writer asked, you would begin to see her unravel her cards in bits like a lovely lily, on the contrary if you still see her as that second class citizen, it would only get worse because she wouldn't see you any different from the men in the society
ReplyDeletewhat more can be said, young or old man as the case maybe, going after strange people or pornography would not help the issue rather increase your problem,so desist from such,don't see it as an alternative, rather be loving to your spouse and even talk about it,tell her what you want and that settles it
ReplyDeleteyou are the head of the home, if you have issues in your house fix it and stop giving excuses for your failure, you are set for doom
ReplyDeleteyou say you love your wife and yet your love isn't as successful as you would want it? common why don't you make it successful, why are you acting like a toddler who isn't fit for marriage
ReplyDeletethis writer is so on point, there is more to what he just told the house about his issue
ReplyDeletecards in bits is the bomb anytime anyday not the dull naive girl for a spouse,well even if she is a novice i will take it upon myself to teach her what i want her to learn
ReplyDeletemr man you are the architect of your life and your home, treat your issues, put your home in other and stop lamenting, like lamentation in the bible, if you are not matured for marriage why venture into it?
ReplyDeletewhat are you waiting for, go into the arms of a strange woman, thank GOD hiv is every where now,OnYourOwn
ReplyDeleteyou are a coward,why porn?you are just giving an excuse for your infidelity, putting the blame on your wife...mcheewwwwwww damn you loser
ReplyDeleteits so easy to apportion blames, why don't you just look inwards and help yourself
ReplyDeletedemilade
i once made the move to my husband, he bluffed me, sincerely would you make the move again ?
ReplyDeletei would try again and if same thing repeats itself,i won't try it again
Delete@ Tricia, I agree with you, That Brown of a guy is something else.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I think it has been so, since Adams, but the idea of going for Pornography is not the best of idea. Goto your wife, communicate wit her on the need of openess in all. It helps. Nice post
ReplyDeletePeople killing people, why trowing impudent words why we are here for knowledge and advice. it dose not matter who call first, but vice vasa is the best way for two to tangle if they undertand each other.
ReplyDeleteLets be straight with something. if I want it, I can go to her and if she wants it she should freely meet me or at least show me some signal.. we are now one and there I=should be no form of shame, hidden agenda or skeletons. for me, its just going to make me hire huge surveillance around her.. let them look into her every minuet when iu am not there. I might just find something interesting.. sorry, uninteresting... no, uninterestingly interesting. I rest my case.
ReplyDeleteAlbert Deans
I am certain that no woman wants to make her unhappy, especially on bed, as that s one area that men cannot let all down. if she is treating you that way as you claim in your one-sided story... please sit her down and talk about it., you probably are the cause of her actions.
ReplyDeleteJenny
One,the lady is not denying so why are u complaining? The lady may be the type that kept the rule of fidelity so she may always see it bad making the first move.. It is the duty of the man to understudy her woman's behavior and understand her.
ReplyDeleteWomen, men like it when u give first attack,they will be happier if u challenge them first in that area.. Pls explore it wella..
Yoruba adage"gboyan fomo ,tabi gbomo foyan.ani ki omo shati must oy an"...meaning.... It is either u give breast to the baby or take baby to the breast.the bottomline is breastfeed the baby satisfactorily
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a give and take affair. It takes a lot of patience,understanding and communication to tag along! Luckily sex is inclusive in Ɗ aforementioned. Ʋ need to understand Ɗ person Ʋ r dealing wit in aňƴ relationship.most women don't Μake Ɗ first move so as nt too luk cheap forgetting dt its a life time affair-no hiding of feelings! It doesn't matter шho makes Ɗ first move,wot matters is mutual satisfaction.
Phumexxy, Lagos
I
ReplyDeleteI'm stil singlè thö..bt i learnt alöt frm d opiniöns My point of view is..since psychølogy has proven wømen to bèen moved byw ,,wat they hear,n mën by watt they c..evriman shld b vigilant to c wen their spouse rili nid them sexually,they dnt necesarìly hv to say it ör make d 1$t movê..Bt wit dia subtlè gestures.1 cn dècode. Wèn u work wit women.u hv to b a masta intèrpreter of gestures.,espcialy wen it has tö do Wit love makin
Chidozie, PHC.
Communication is key to any relationship. When two people are bonded and in love, they shouldn't even notice who made the first move before they realise it's already happening. That's closeness. Margaret (Umuahia)
ReplyDeleteSo from the unrelenting comments pouring in, one can see that the matter is truly a delicate and touchy one. I would like to address the problem from a singles perspective (going back to when I was one). - I had this girl friend that was really persistent. Knowing fully well that sex is strictly meant for marriage. Obviously it caused a rift between us and ultimately ended the relationship. It is very important that whether married or single, you must share the same values as your partner. This can only be achieved by proper communication. When we learn to express our opinions and respect that of our partners, we draw them closer and encourage them to be more open and comfortable with us. After getting married, something very important I learnt was that woman have their own language and more often than not, no two women speak the same kind. You must understand the unique way your partner talks to you. The subtle hints they give and the moods they are in. It is only natural for a woman to want a man to make the first move so she doesn't seem cheap. This stereotype has only been amplified by the African culture that emphasises male dominance. In other to have an active relationship we must understand that marriage is a partnership and each persons opinions and views are to be respected. When you treat her with respect and understanding and express to her your desires more often than not she will have the confidence to make the first move whenever she wants you.
ReplyDeleteI think the lady might be responding to some teachings or parental advise. It absolutely doesn't matter who initiates love making in marriage. The most important thing is the cohesion between the spouse. The guy in question should sit down with his wife, in a love-tensed mood, and iron this out. Let him tell her how he feels about it and as well, his dream marriage. Resorting to other means of satisfaction will only ruin his life and home. It is possible the lady is naive may just need a little push to open up. This kind of lady will "scatter" her husband's head when she opens up.
ReplyDelete