WHERE SHOULD FRIENDS SIT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? FRONT, BACK, SIDEWAYS OR NOWHERE.

‘’I sit here alone, sad, confused, angry and boiling. All for what?

I am a devoted Christian brother and I love the lord with all my heart. Nancy and I are talking about marriage already and everything seems to be running smoothly until I introduced her to some of my old friends who she happens to know and started scheming to make me stop seeing them...meanwhile, my friends were clamoring for a time-alone with me...I put one and two together and figured there must be something I need to hear. Nancy wants me off them while they want me to meet them.

I arranged the meeting without Nancy... and after their modest delay, the started talking..."They told me how Nancy was gang-raped in her third year and how she went away and never came back to finish her degree and how she is not the best lady I can get around. The worst part of it was that the rape-video was released and it went viral...’’

 

‘’Right now, I am at cross-roads as to what to do now...I am really not comfortable with the fact that she has not told me this by herself...as my friends claimed they can get the video if I really need to see it. Hmmm. Should I just confront her or let it go since its in the past...but if I do let it go...how would my friends see me? I am just tired’’

Now I really cant say if hearing the Nancy's secret was best for me. We have come a long way. I don't want things ruined but I cant cope with this kind of information which she has not still opened up to me till now. I don't blame my friends, if I were in their shoes, I would have told them too. Whatever they told me was for my own protection.

Please @bondbetter I need advice.

 

Please advice this young man.      

What level of information should a lady tell a guy before while dating?

At some point, would one need the approval of friends to stay in a relationship?

What role should friends play in your relationship?
Is it proper for a friend to aid or influence your decisions concerning your relationship?
Aren't there friends who can advice meaningfully?

 

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Re-incarnation...Superstition or Mystery of Life?

Do people really reincarnate?

 

This one beats my imagination. It’s a common happening, or should I call it Fairy tale?  in Africa to hear that someone you have been with turns out to be someone already dead and buried elsewhere, somewhere, another city entirely.

 

"I woke up still gasping for breath and wished I stayed dead in my death because there is really no need staying alive. Where will I start from? I started to scream. The nurses rushed in and tied me to the bed. Was I running insane? I couldn't tell. I just knew that something huge had gone wrong.

 

Ilesanmi and I have been together for about two years, we moved in together two years ago, he promised to marry me when he is buoyant enough and now seems to be the time as many jobs fell through for him last year. In all our stay, I have not met anyone related to him; neither did I see any photograph. Yet he spoke of them so lavishly and says he doesn't want me to talk to them on the phone until we met. So, I let all my guards down. Who wouldn't for a very good looking, charming, six packed tummy, young CEO and sweet talking guy like Ilesanmi?

 

We started planning marriage and there was need to meet his people before they come meeting my people to ask for my hands in marriage. We left Lagos for Ekiti. Ilesanmi drove all the way to their family house and as we were about making a bend, he exclaimed, he had forgotten his father’s best wine and that he can't go in without it, he needs to get it somewhere around and that he would be right back and that I should just go on, the whole family have gathered earnestly waiting for us, especially me. I didn't even give it a second thought; I just jumped out of the car and dashed to the gate...

 

Waiting... Waiting... NOW EVERYONE has gathered. They told me Ilesanmi, the young man I am describing with that name and photographs on my phone and this house he has brought me...is indeed their son but died 11 years ago when they were at Ivory Coast.

The nurses were trying to calm me down as I screamed and yelled trying to injure myself or even pass away, one of them said "Madamu, pele pele o,(meaning take it easy) because of the baby"

 

People, I had to edit this one. Like I said earlier, this one beats my imagination...Is this one whole superstitious piece of extensive hallucination...or what?... yet she is pregnant...do these things really happen?                                             

 

She is considering an abortion or have the baby and name him Ilesanmi...and live with it...yet she cannot bear the trauma of having that episode unfinished…

 

What is the next step?

Let's reply her here.

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NAMING CEREMONY GONE WRONG?

Let me ask you a riddle. "I am something, I belong to you but others use me more than you use me...What Am I?"

What is the effect of a name on ones' life?...Are names just mere items of identification? Would it surprise you to know that some people don't know the meanings of their names... Do names in anyway contribute to the over-all turn out of our lives? Would it be superstitious to say a name has a huge effect on one's life? Should we really keep bearing the names of some great great grand parents we never met?

I am aware that most African names are hinged on experiences, expectations, current situation of the parents and sometimes, traditional influences of the parents. Yet, are these the most germane things to consider when naming a child?.I am sure you know one or two persons who bear names you would not like to be called...I may not want to mention names...

Unlike most names from the Western World like, Cup, Pit, Pat, Pet, Putt etc, that appears vague to us, African names are mostly phrases, sentences and sometimes a full-fledged story encoded in one word. However, the bearer, in this context, the child has no fore-knowledge of it, remains unaware of the name until maturity and may be compelled to stay with the name throughout life-time.

In a case where you are now of age and you are not satisfied with the import your name brings, would you be wrong to "edit,delete,undo or re-invent" a name for yourself?

I brought this to your purview because I met someone with a name so odd that he couldn't say it confidently, he had to start some sort of explanation about his ancestors and all...his name turns out scary... The guys name is "Onwu" in Ibo, meaning "Death" and he said "forget about the surname" I figured it could have been worse. I pressed a bit and he told me its their great grand father's name who was a great warrior and diviner of one the major shrines in his village...Deep Breath!...Why don't you do something about it? I asked. " I suggested it to my father once and he threatened to disown me if I try to bear any other name" It was very clear this man was in great displeasure about what his name offered.

Please share your views

You may have one negated name but please spare your child the trouble, risk and doom-drive. Ensure that the naming ceremony which the child did not really partake remains a source of celebration for the child everyday of life.

Check out Jabez

1 Chronicles 4:9

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DID DADDY CHOOSE FOR YOU?

‘’I have a feeling that I am not living my life to its full potentials.  I am simply lost in this field I find myself. When I was young, I was a television freak and I would imagine myself being the man at the news desk, the man in the advert, the voice narrating the advert and all. Not long, I became a renowned story teller in my school. I was very creative. Whenever teachers were tired and they needed a very creative and educative distraction in the class, they'll simply call on me and say, "Richy, please tell us a story". Without any fore-knowledge or whatever, I move to the front of the class and the story begins...even though the stories usually have no end...the teachers and my class mates enjoyed my creative fables...then I started writing short stories, poems, rhymes...

As at this moment, I work in a lab. where I carry out tests to aid precise treatment. Is it paying my bills? Yes, Am I satisfied? No way.

My father never saw anything good in my abilities, despite all the remarks from my teachers both in primary and junior secondary school that I would thrive in the Arts, my father still insisted that I must became a medical doctor hence be in the sciences in my senior secondary classes.

I said I wanted to be in the arts so I could become a broadcaster, he slammed me, saying, ‘’arts is for lazy people, are you lazy?’’ I responded ‘’No Sir’’, ''I am not lazy''...He wanted me to be a medical doctor by all means. It was a tough one as I couldn't meet up and I ended as a lab scientist which he still considers as failure on my part till date..."

I feel like a captive living out my fathers life and desires and not my own life. Even if I want to follow my dreams, where and how can I start now?’’

You have read it all. Many of us may have similar experiences. Since the responsibility of raising the child falls directly on them, Is it a wrong thing for parents to choose  career paths for their children?  Let us not also undermine the fact that some parents have led their children to success, even though they are living out dad and mum's dream.

Changing career path is not such an easy one. What should people with this situation do? Personally, how would you love to direct your kids?

Please share your views.

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