RED ALERT : WHAT IS YOUR CHILD DOING ?

Children have proven themselves to be the fastest set of learners ever, even when they are evidently groping with the language, naturally underaged, very inquisitive and free for all information, their ability to learn is simply magnetic. But what is expected of a brain under construction? A relatively empty one at that; It is only natural that as  children grow, they fill up the brain with every iota of information available to their five human senses. To  see, hear, taste, feel and smell. They get very involved.

This moment in my opinion is the most crucial part of life. The formative stage. This is the time they ask questions, make endless enquiries and even proceed to trying out the information they have. Children are Doers.

It appears some adults handle this aspect of the child's life with some overbearing adult sense...so, its not uncommon to find children do everything adults do, they are dressed like adults, they dance like adults, they want to do even more of adult things than children experiences.

Dear bondedhomer, this thought line emanated from a mail i got from a lady, "my four year old daughter wants to wear explicit dresses, boots, skimpies and It burders me so much. I am trying as a parent but i dont know where the problem is from, what am i doing wrong? Because if she continues like this, i will kill her with my own hands, please can you put this on your blog so i can hear what people would advice ? She is just four, and for sure i feel she is a baby, please what age should i start going firm with her"

You may also want to watch this disturbing video I got somewhere.

Please give your candid advice as usual.

1. At what age should she start instilling discipline

2. Is there anything wrong with the child ?

The floor is now open

WHY WOMEN DONT MAKE FIRST SEX MOVE

"My wife would wait until I make the first move whenever and every time we need to make love. It always has to be me, even if she is obviously in the mood. I am still trying to unravel why she treats me so. While we dated, we followed the abstinence principle which was not easy but that appeared the ideal and religious way to do it.  It wasn't easy but I did it, we did it. That must have been the cause of this seemingly subtle emphatic rejection my wife now gives me. She waits helplessly like a not-well-liked wife, till I come begging to satisfy her urges...and over time, Its effect on me is that I now do it dutifully not willingly...with a tint of grudge and dissatisfaction as to why I have to be the one initiating it always and why she cannot just freely plant a kiss on my lips when she feels like it too..

Is this because we abstained before marriage? Or my wife is simply a pretender? Or she has a wrong teaching that it is strictly the man's duty to hunt...as for the hunting part, it might be true but gone are those days when men bragged about that...for God's sake, I want to be pampered too...

there is a boy in every man you know. Do not get me wrong, I love my wife. Our love life is not just as successful as I desire. I am thinking of confronting her...because these days, I started having the urge for some pornography...let me just face strange people who would beckon unto me than feel strange with someone I am married to"

My dear reader, you have read it. bondedhome opines that this is deeper than has been stated. It remains uncertain why he gets such reaction from his spouse but some pointers can be identified.

After all, arguably yet acceptable though, some ladies now propose marriages to men in very gentle tones, but clear enough for the dude to know he has been proposed to, women in some parts of the world do the payments to marry the grooms and all.

On the contrary, let us not be quick to castigate women, bondedhome found that some women assume they are judged to be cheap and labelled sex-freaks if they make the first move to the man. This is an African norm that has been handed down from generation to generation aimed at consciously making women loose sexual confidence or even become unresponsive to it. Worse still, some women are even circumcised for this exact reason of taming the" woman" in them.

These are no justifications but a food for thought for any partner who would pose under any Idea or ideal to deprive their partners good and committed love-making and for that partner that is unwilling to help their spouse improve.

You may be single, but surely won’t remain single forever.  This concerns you too.

Give your take on...

1. Is it wrong for a woman to make the first move?

2. Does it matter who makes the move?

3. Possible consequences of this to the home?

The floor is now open.

4. For the men,would you prefer an expressive woman or one that brings out the card in bits, either for naivety or pretence ? 

BANK WEDDING

Dear reader, last week was very explosive as our discussion almost got some people going physical if it were possible, but Thank God it all remained textual.

To some people, ‘’Bank Wedding’’ may not appear troublesome, but judging from our economy, per capita income and the fact that it is almost compulsory that people get married properly, I mean religiously in front of God and man, the topic might pose a real threat to happiness for others.

My wife is an Events Manager and she is always flanked by intending couples. Mostly, she is involved in the planning from scratch to the D-Day. One evening, I found myself looking through her bag for something... don't ask me what...**winks**and I came across this very alarming wedding budget...the budget stood at 15.5M, whatttt? and wowwww!!!! at same time, i giggled; within me, i rejoiced..."Money Cometh..." So i quickly removed that one and started thinking ahead for wifee, how she would really satisfy this very big client. As soon as she came, I asked " Babe, you didnt mention this big client to me, the one with the 15.5M budget" She started laughing..."Don't mind them, the guy just got a job with a bank and the lady is a receptionist in a construction company, they can't raise that kind of money. Infact, we have been on this issue of budget for a very long time , whenever I talk of pruning it down, the man would say, they don't have the money but they are believing God, they are trusting that people would donate towards the wedding lavishly when the time is very close"...                      

I was shocked to hear these...

I gathered that the couple seem to be of the opinion that wedding is a once-in-life-time event and it has to be memorable even if it means taking a loan to make it happen. This idea sounds very bizarre as It is no longer news that these days, many couples have had to spend their first six to twelve months sorting out loans and still paying for services rendered to them during their wedding, thus setting in a very unpleasant time, full of depression.

Why would anyone because of a borrowed culture in the name of white wedding break the bank and go hungry knowing that everyone would walk away after enjoying your barbecue and perhaps give you gifts like shower caps, warmers, shaving sticks, toothpaste, dirt parkers and may be one or two real gifts like freezers etc?

Many eligible men and women remain single today because they have made the society their standard, they would rather meet up with the expectations of other people than accept their cadre and just be prudent about their wedding plans...

Behold thee, thy list...Goodluck

QUESTIONS

How much financial attention should we accord the white-wedding considering that we are not ‘’whites’’?

Which one should supercede the other, traditional wedding or white wedding ?

When would you consider a wedding an extravagant one ?

Would you take a loan for a wedding ?
The floor is now open.

FINANCIAL MANIPULATION…Any justification?

Dearest reader, i thank you once again for visiting bondedhome. It is very encouraging knowing that you come around. On this weeks' stories, permit me to ask you a favor. Kindly drop a comment for our victims as they really look up to this. 

During the week, a couple got into a very serious argument which although did not end up in a physical fight, saw the womans' properties being flung out of the house. Justified or not? We cannot tell yet.

News later came that the man, Barr. Sam had attended their childrens' school PTA meeting and while other parents complained to the authorities that they planned increasing school fees from N98,000 to N125,000 without any new facility on ground, our dear Barr. Sam got the shock of his life. "Excuse me gentlemen, there seem to be a missing link here...I have two children in this school and for the past two years, I have always paid N235,000, so i am surprised at what is being said here" Barr. Sam fumed. The Proprietress took it up "Sir, I know your children, Anthonia in Basic 3, and Iyke in Basic 4, what they should pay is N98,000 and nothing more. Sir, do you have any proof to this effect?" She asked Barr.Sam. "Of course, I have all the receipts from the school" At this point, every one knew indeed there is a missing link. "We do not issue receipts at all, we accept bank tellers from parents after payment is done into our bank account" the Proprietress confirmed.

Meaning, his wife pays the exact figure into the bank and gives him another figure on a well printed receipt bearing the school's name.

                                                          

As I shared this with a colleague, she had a bitter story to tell.

It was that of her friend, Yejide whose husband had been out of job for almost 10 years and all efforts have remained abortive. Yejide and her husband Felix have remained childless so this made the burden of fending not too heavy as it was just two of them. Yejide being a top bank official accessed a very huge loan on Felixs' suggestion that they built a house to secure their future.

The interesting part of the house arrangement was that the couple decided to name the property after their "unborn children" Ayomide and Oluwaseyi"- these are the names they intend naming their children when they come.

Two years down the line, Felixs' people, precisely his mother, and his uncles came "visiting". They had with them a beautiful lady and two lovely kids.

''Yejide these last twelve years with you in our son's life has been unproductive and filled with bad luck. Since he married you, no work, no child, nothing...but we thank God for the wisdom He has given our son, he is the true son of his father...you see this lady? She is Abeke, your husband's wife and these two, Oluwaseyi and Ayomide are their lovely children, ehhhn he told us that he built this house for his children and now the children are overdue to live in their house with their father and mother together...you seem to be the odd one out...so...get everything that is yours in this house and take your leave"

his uncle spoke.

Yejide at this point realized she has been cajoled by her husband of many years...he named his out-of-wedlock children the exact names they agreed on naming their children when they come; the exact names on the property document.

These stories bothered me...so i decided to share with you. My questions therefore are

1. What extent of trust should you have in your spouse on financial issues?

2. Should couples co-own properties?

3. Is it a wise idea to monitor your spouse's spendings?

The floor is now open. Please make your candid comment as the victims are following.