I
am privileged to have you here, so i say a very big thank you for visiting; i
hope to have you again and again and again...our elders say a story can only be
told to another, not one's self.
This
week’s discourse is an ex-ray of how we manage relationships when they seem to
be worn-out but still find their way into our present.
People
we once shared intimacy with and aspired to be with them forever but broke up
for one reason or the other. People we spent several years of commitment with
and people who made us really happy. But as God would have it, these
relationships could not stand the test of time and were overtaken. Now, many of
us found better replacements...as that explains why we are with them today and
not our ex's. 
I
am sure you must have read or seen blazing headlines like this on our
newspapers... MAN
BATHS WIFE IN ACID OUT OF JEALOUSY! HUSBAND STABS WIFE FOR TALKING TO OTHER
MEN! WOMEN FIGHT NAKED OVER MEN! WOMAN POISONS HUSBAND FOR CHEATING! EX-LOVER
KILLS WOMAN'S HUSBAND! and even more horrible ones.
This
is not to write-off the possibilities of healthy relationships between ex-
lovers as some even become family friends at some point. This however remains
very rare.
We
all fall in these dual categories...You are with someone now, same time
ex-lover to someone.
Questionnaire therefore...
Is it ideal for lovers to get favors from their ex lovers for their current
lovers?
Is it healthy to be in touch with your ex-lover?,
Where understanding
seems to be expressed from current lover over contact with ex-lover, that is
when he/she is aware, could jealousy not be breeding?
If one must be in touch,
what should we look out for?
Are there boundaries?
Is it from your enemy that you should collect gift?
ReplyDeleteIs it from your enemy that you should collect gift?
ReplyDeleteJudgin from the way we seperated, abeg ki oni kaluku ma lo ni ilo tie. I mean, each person should go their ways. Keep in touch ke? Talk less of accepting favors. What kind of favor would that be?
ReplyDelete@John Samson. I dint think you read this write-up.
ReplyDeleteNice topic. As for me its always good to allow sleeping dog lie. Ex is in the past and there is absolutely no need bringing him or her into your future. There is no reason what so ever should anyone go back to their past. If he or she was that good or perfect while the hell did you move on in the first place. Please let every sleeping dog lie. Cut all form of communication with them and concentrate on your future.
ReplyDeleteThe worst twist here is when your wife or girlfirned has to see her ex- lover to help you secure a job or get a contract or help you raise some money. Trust women, they would claim it is out of love and that they want to help you, mean while the truth is that they are trying to help themselves, to secure their comfort under the other alms and arms indirectly. Thank God this thing cannot happen to me. if i find out? Newspaper headline the next day.
ReplyDeletei dont believe in bringing the past to the future. Why would i want to accept a favor from an ex-lover? so that i would owe him one? abeg make God bless my hustle. Men ask for something in return. they always do
ReplyDeletebondedhome.blogspot. good job here. well done. send me your account number. i am just joking o. but good job
ReplyDeleteNo harm in accepting favour from your EX,if your love ur patner I don't really see anything wrong
ReplyDeleteWhy would she even keep his contact in the first place,I would not allow such,afterall the bible says our God is a Jealous God so I am permitted to be jealouse,its a no for me abeg
ReplyDeleteIts not a wise idea o. You know women are very jealous. If she knows u ah still in touch she woukd assume there is more to it. Talk less of bringing smthn home and saying she , your ex gave you.
ReplyDeleteWe parted ways,so why meeting him for favor,I'd rather stay the way I am than contacting my ex for favor God forbid.
ReplyDeleteHaPpinness
I can't let such happen with my spouse,why would she think of hanging out secretly with her EX,she has a lot of explaining to do,really
ReplyDeleteIts not an healthy thing to do,so much is @ stake,I for one would not do such for any reason,not matter how grave it is,its my past so let it remain there
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong in asking for favor from your Ex,its absoluty ok for me to do that,as long as I know I have no feeling for him again,no big deal
ReplyDeleteI think some people are better off as friends not as lovers,so when you break up with your Ex because things didn't work out between you two doesn't mean that he or she can't be of help in future,perhaps you were brought together for this sake of help,not for the initial relationship you've had
ReplyDeleteIn some cases it ideal to seek for help and favor from your patner,and some other instances it is not ideal,I must also emphasize that it is not an healthy thing to do but if and only IF you must,let your spouse know about it and why you want to do it,then if at all you must hook up,its better to go on such meetings with your husband or even an older sister or brother or even your sister in law,don't make the mistke of moving alone,you might just be giving the devil a three bedroom accomodation to the devil.QED
ReplyDeleteIf you still have soft spot for him or her PLEASE Don't THINK OF IT at all
ReplyDeleteHooking up with your Ex without ur spouse consent is EQUIVALENT= CHEATING beware
ReplyDelete@mirabel: u just took the words outta my mouth!! Simply bcos both of u were not meant to be husband and wife doesn't mean u shld be sworn enemies! There's a reason why God plants people @ various times in our lives; if that reason arises and he's available to help, why not? As long as the woman is sincere, faithful, has gotten over the dude and Godfearing, there's absolutely nofin wrong with it! Bt if she stil has 'that soft thing' for the guy, she should please avoid asking favours or accepting any from such a person because that's walking straight into temptation she may not survive! Life's such a tricky place to live in! May the good Lord help us all! Amen!
ReplyDeleteHey..its dangerous raise to power 100,please stay clear its not advisable,especially when you became Emotionally connected sexually not just by affection to each other before breaking up,I think its better to stay clear from such person
ReplyDelete"That could be very dangerous"
ReplyDeleteIt depends on individual and what led to their break up
ReplyDeleteWell if the person involved, he or she have a gud intention
ReplyDeletei think there is no issue in keeping in touch once in a while but boundaries mmust be set...it sould be clear that no one is under any form of obligation.
ReplyDeleteTo a large extent, it should be discouraged. Most times when such favours come up, it is ususlly to prove to the ex-girlfriend Ђôω much he still loves her and Ђôω far he can go to prove that. It is never bcos he loves then both. In some other cases, it is usually to prove to the girl that d new guy is a loser and less capable. The only on condition under which such offers can be accepted is if his RATIONALE behind the offer can be obsolutely determined and no immediate or near-future consequences can be seen attached to it.
ReplyDeleteEx lover or sin partner, for ex sin partner you can run miles away without any contact. Else it will become a case of fire and petrol.. for those who appreciate you and things did not work out, may be as explained by marabel friendship will be ideal
ReplyDeleteEx lover or sin partner, for ex sin partner you can run miles away without any contact. Else it will become a case of fire and petrol.. for those who appreciate you and things did not work out, may be as explained by marabel friendship will be ideal
ReplyDeleteEx-lover or ex sin partner? There is hardly one without the other..
ReplyDeleteI wanna believe the bloggist meant 'EX'. In Modern days, where pple have slept with all their friends. What options do u have than relate with them again in the future.
ReplyDeleteI have a Uncle who's ex got him a job. And today, is a Very Snr Officer in that Parastatal.
Some people had been ordained to be the carrier of our blessings, too bad you slept with them all.
The past should remain in the past,if your supposd ex,is willing to help out without strings or conditions attached why would I refuse him,afterall I am old enough to be able to read in between the lines,once the signal is red I'd rather run for my head if not no big deal
ReplyDeletePlease and please meeting up with your ex is unfaithfulness on the part of whoever is involved,I don't subscribe it it at all,its uncalled for
ReplyDeleteI don't have an issue with letting my spouse receive favor for his or or Ex as long as the trust is there,some people were actually put in our lives for help purpose not as patners
ReplyDeleteSincerely, i may receive favors from from my ex but would not receive from my lovers ex? u get?
ReplyDeleteMaduka
If my ex is in a postion to help me and i need his his help, why not? after all, when people say they broke up, they means they broke up the relationship , i mean love affair not their friendship as they originally started.
ReplyDeleteI ll rather give than to accept. I dont see anything morally wrong in it though. If the parties are matured and would not be funny, its okay all the way.
ReplyDeleteMuri
Bonded Home thank you so much for this lovely write-up,I had a strong arguement with my Spouse when I discovered she had kept in touch with her EX and when I confronted her I she couldn't see any reason why I was Furious,but I am so Glad that you brought this topic up,Now she is reading these comments and I think Majority carries the Vote here,thank you Bonded Home once again,for helping Me bring this mutual understanding to my home
ReplyDeletePeople who pathed well should not have any problem keeping in touch and even mean well about each others family. There is no big deal in that. After all, that was in the past. The can still keep in touch and keep it safe.
ReplyDeleteObi
I cant imagine myself having anything to do with my ex after all she and her family put me through. Its over, its over. If thats the only option i have left, i ll let it be that i don't have any other choice.
ReplyDeleteMatured people should not have a problem with this. Ihn the case of a woman getting support for her husband and family through her ex, i see that as a very pure form of making her home a better place. it is not possible that the woman would not feel debased trying to do that but she already took all the shame and swallowed her pride to go to that man she has left . However, all these can only be right if she informs the man before making the contact..
ReplyDeleteThis is individual difference,condition surrounding individual break-ups differ,that is the yardstick to judging IF or IF Not to accept favors from EX
ReplyDeleteFolorunsho
Like someone said, if you guys had an understandable break-up, why would you see the other as an enemy. Nevertheless, if there is still a soft spot, then I would advice, STEER CLEAR.
ReplyDeleteMy spouse can't even try that,what excuse would he give?NO NO NO TO EX-LOVER FAVOR
ReplyDelete@Folorunsho, individual differences...yes. Whats ur view? For me, i need to know the man and be properly informed about him before my wife may establish any form of contact. Also i will never accept a favor that would look make it look like i couldnt get it done but he could. All issues i resolve internally in my home.
ReplyDeleteOGB
I won't accept favor from my Ex lover no matter what,our break up wasn't a nice one.
ReplyDeleteThis doesnt sound like a bad idea but nind you, transperaency must be observed. Before you even make the move, you should discuss it very well with your spouse and makesure you are both in agreement. Bcos, it is normal for one to be suspicous abt such a favor if one was not well informed.
ReplyDeleteOn my wedding day, my wife's'ex sprayed us a lot of money...he simply looked happy for us...even though i know deep down he wished it were him. Is someone asking me to say he shld take his money back? What would be would be, he came and gave me a handshake and even shook my wife too. And left. So...what? I trust my wife.
ReplyDeleteOxborne
As much as i have good memories of my past, with my ex, i really would not want him into my present life.
ReplyDeleteLisa
Abegn dont try it if you think u might get tempted o.
ReplyDeleteI would gladly accept the favor with speed. He is simply offering what he didnt offer in the first place.Judith
ReplyDeleteSome one said Ex is used for finished things...your subscription has now expired... Expiration date, Ex should remain Ex pls.
ReplyDeleteJenny
Thay actually became Exs because they couldnt fit into the present. Just think abt it when my wife goes to her ex to seek a favor and he tries to take advantage of that? one person said men always ask for something in return.But, sincerly, we do.
ReplyDeleteLiyel Ndubuisi
What am i expected to do? kill her? she went all the way to do that for me, get me a job frm her ex? i ll be glad i have such a woman.
ReplyDeleteOjo
@ Ojo, may i ask how long you have been married. Human beings are not God, when they do u a favor, they stand by it and make reproach and mock you when they feel the need to. Its better to stay off your ex lovers so that you two would not be owing them. pray they deont ask to be paid in kind
ReplyDeleteThe truth is always very bitter, how on earth would i accept a favor from an ex, or my lovers ex? abeg o... i will rather do something else. its not a wise idea if you two slept with each other while u were together.
ReplyDeleteWell, depending on hw the relationship came to an end. To me, it may not be a big deal. We stil have sane men and women. I have a parcel stock somewir in Abuja, its an ex among oda friends that's willing to help me pick it up and drop it at dt branch of my organisation to be sent to me afterward. We meet pple for diff purposes in life, let consider this topic with our head not our heart. Pple tend to get too emotional abt this kind of issue, but I say u only need to be wise in such decision. Margaret
ReplyDeleteWonderful, this topic is a hot one. A lot of ego is playing out here. Those who said they won't accept a favour from an EX, may you not find yourself in that position.
ReplyDeleteCertain things are easier said than done.
Dont mind them, they are all displaying ego here. The reality is tougher than all these rantings. If you find yourself in real need, nobody will teach you. So if your lovers exi is a medical doctor and your case requires some specalists and her ex is the only specialist around, you ll rather die? Abeg! I still keep in touch and in fact we talk reasonabley well. Not as though we are still connected.
ReplyDeleteBrime
People who have experience would tell you that there is nothing wrong with recieving favors from ones ex or even ones lovers ex. We are first human beings, then became friends before that mutual understanding nd attration became what we call a relationship. Its very simple. Now that we dont want the relationship anymore, it doesnt stop us from being friends and human beings. We simply go back to the way we were
ReplyDeleteTricia
People have different opinions on this matter but some things are basic. If you know you still have a soft spot for the person, please go to the bank for their kind of favor
ReplyDeleteMaximus
I can recieve favor and even be a samaritan to my ex.. As long as there would be no intimacy involved. I can do everything apart from sleeping...
ReplyDeleteCyril
You better leave your ex in the past and move on with yr life and avoid further drama in ur life
ReplyDeletePeople are saying all sorts. some of your ex's played very major parts in your life. whats with the enmity.
ReplyDeleteRegards
i like this blog. i f i have my way, i would be very beneficial to everyone including my ex.
ReplyDeleteRaymond
May God deliver us from pride, whats the big deal. are you now claiming that they are bad people now because they didn't marry you mind you all the problems that caused ur break up were not all your their faults. you also played a part in it. So why are the formings now. i will gladly collect it. and evren return the favor. except sexual favors.
ReplyDeleteAdeyinka
This is not a matter of Ego, its a matter of caution. take caution and keep your present very secure.
ReplyDeletethats it.
i think its not a matter of ego if one chooses not to raternise with an ex. for Gods sake,that person is in the past. Its wisdom not Ego
ReplyDeleteEmeka, Phc
Let us be since and stop all this forming. Is anyone saying that their ex-lovers have become witxhes and wizards? that they are now vampires and they cannot be related with? as a matter of fact, it tells how bad you are as a person if you cannot put a call through to your ex and speak freely, It also tells how terrible your thought line is if what you now think about the former love of your life is now negativity only. remember, you are also an ex to someone. so the question might just be if your ex lover request a favor from you, would you grant. now i ma sure most people would chorus
ReplyDelete'yes. na this forming dey finish us for this country so.
okechukwu
Somehow I still think when there is mutual understandimg,trust and respect,the issue of if accepting favor from your ex or not should be discursed,because I should be able to trust my spouse and know that he wouldn't do anything we won't be proud of eventually,so I don't see it as an issue personally...
ReplyDeleteIts been hell with my husband and i when i discoverd he hooked up with his ex. when i confronted him he simply coundltn see anything wrong in what he has done and at that time i looked like the fool, two days later, he told me he had to hook up with her to facilitate a contract we have been bidding for, since she knows the MD...Infact, she is the MD;s daughter. as much as it looks like its for my favour,i still dont subscribe to that. i cant let such continue to happen cos its not healthy for my marriage. . You might think i dont trust my husband but thats completely wrong. i will not have my husbands ex thinking she is to thank for the success of our family as they did business before they broke up.. then one day she would have stories to tell. it looks like bribing me out of my marriage. so its a capital NO to receiving favors from my lovers ex. if it were my husband, he would have said no too. .
ReplyDelete@ Vivian,wowww,that is not nice @ all,why would you do such a thing someone people are simply meant to be a help on our life path,I sincerely don't think you should have rejected that hand of favor,its simply uncalled for,who says the man can't still go ahead. Behind your back and get randy with this EX in question?you definitely rejected the right help
ReplyDelete@ Michel its a pity people like you would pour petrol in your home ste it on fire and start shouting for help,whenyou actually gave room for the petrol and openly took the match box to burn down your house,I gave my opinion,please feel free to sell off your marriage or relationship for a token that would someday end to an EX because you ar eager to make money because of selfishness
ReplyDeleteI used to think it was ok until I was in a situation. I'm female by the way. I broke up, we reamined friends, so I thought it was cool to still ask and get what I wanted. I never knew I was delusional. He said, "Do you think I'm a fool, you want me to do these things for you but you won't get down with me?" My, i was aghast, mouth agape and perplexed at the same time. We talked about this, we agreed to stay friends. Though he pestered me more than once, But I waved it aside. When I asks he usually says ok. Until I kept on saying when, when? Then he said what was in his mind. I do not think its ok. I would help if my EX asks for help, cos I don't see anything wrong with it, but I won't go asking for help, never again. I've learnt my lesson.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the ladies are adversely affected when they ask for help from their ex. And for the men, I think the wives feel threatened in their homes if the husband contacts his ex.
ReplyDeleteWhere does this put us, I propose, firstly sound your spouse out, if the road is clear then proceed. Secondly, sound yourself out first, can you handle being in touch with your ex at that level? If the answer is yes, proceed.
By all means, do all the above before you proceed. After-all, you are now married, and have responsibility towards the current and not the ex.
Joey, PH
Imagine Brown saying such things will make headline! Wonderful
ReplyDeleteI Must say that this is a hot one. it is an action that one shoul think very well before carrying it out. If you are sure that your partner would not have a problem eith such an arrangement.. why the hell not? after all, you are already married to them not ur ex. In a case where your spouse does not support the move, kindly back off, it might be a means to an end of trouble.
ReplyDeletei dont see anything wrong in being of help to anyone,, whether ex or anyone.
ReplyDeleteMiriam
shey na ex wey no fit invite person come their wedding na him go fit give u shishi? please let sleeping dogs lie. i pray that i will never find myself in such a situation. Moreover, such situations are very rare.
ReplyDeleteKalejaiye
i can be very supportivve to my ex, infact, i am still very supportive to my ex, and thats because she is not married yet. i am married but i still see her as a very close friend that i can do things for very freely.
ReplyDeleteI dont know if this is wrong though.
Obiora
I DONT THINK ITS A WISE IDEA KEEPING ANY FORM OF CONTACT. BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAID WE SHOULD FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ReplyDeleteDer is nothin wrong der!!bt it depend on the way u left each other!!!bt u shd not go tooo far 2 the extend of hangin out,meetin in hidden places.the past is gone n hopin 4 a promisoory future.
ReplyDeleteWe have a culture of assuming everyone in our past is a bad person. it is very bad. The fact that you are not married to the person does not mean they are noe enemies that should be avoided like a plague. As for me, if i have the opportunity, i will surely help and wouldnt mind taking help from my ex. As long as my spouse and i are on same page.
ReplyDeleteObianuju
What does the bible say? i am a christian. We are told to be at peace with all men. And Jesus also said the best way to show we love him was to show love to our neigbhors.
ReplyDeleteClementina
pls..didnt the Bible also say we should FLEEE?
ReplyDeletePLEASE READ ROMANS 12;18. It tallks about living peacefully with all men
ReplyDeleteSheppy01. doesnt that include your ex-lovers? and everyone else? ALL MEN. ALL
Hmmm... to live at peace is not difficult, what if the other doesn not want to live at peace with you? As a matter of factly, you actaully dont offend your enemies before they pick up a squable with you. lets just say, if m,y ex comes to me for assistance, i would gladly offer it but i pray i dont have any need that would take to her.
ReplyDeleteIyanu
One can be in touch but a line has to be drawn.
ReplyDeletePlease you guys should stop pretending here. Some of you are the real causes of the untimely breakups between you and your Ex-lovers. in other words, you are the bad person among the two. So just admit if you are the bad one and say, even if your ex is Dangote and Mike Adenuga together, he/she can never give me a pin in form of favor.
ReplyDeleteBrown Again
Sincerely, i wont take such favors. i wont be needing them in the first place
ReplyDeletebcos whn u still recieve favors from ur ex, you keep needing more and that might just be unfair of that nice guy who ll keep favoring u and may nt even tell his wife. i wont just do it.
ReplyDelete@Michel I have one question for you ARE YOU A LEARNER? McheeeWwwww am just passing by o
ReplyDelete@sheepy01 God will forgive you,bible did not say collect favor from all Men in the name of being @ peace,The Bible also says the we should be Gentle as a Dove and wise as a serpent,why can't you be wise enough as a serpent to know that accepting favour from your EX is HIGHLY DANGEROUS
ReplyDeleteWhy are you all quoting the bible for something so clear to know that accepting Favor from ones EX's is not the Best? Please stop quoting the bible to do wrong things,Did God ask you to get into relationships before marriage?
ReplyDeleteAhhahahahaha,Bible Quoting and mis-Quoting,please you Guys should not break your Head over Nothing,what is wrong s wrong and what is right is right,as for me,sound your patner out,if he or she agrees then go ahead,if you sense some sort sluggishness in his response then don't do it,either way I don't even see that spouse who would be Ok with such a Favor
ReplyDeleteLeft my past behind me,so also everyone I term as part of my past should also be done away with,No favors whatsoever is allowed
ReplyDeleteI had a terrible break up with my Ex!an experience that I wouldn't have lived to tell because of the series of Abuse I faced,thank God am out of It alive,thanks to my loving Husband who rescued me while I was on the part of destruction,So how would I go back to such a beast in the name of wanting a favor from Him,NEVER our path can never cross anymore
ReplyDelete@preetiewoman,we share same story and no way on this earth would I consider my Ex as an option for favor,the Tought of him even brings goose pimples to my body
ReplyDelete@Tricia,please there is everything wrong with accepting Favors from your EX,the day my spouuse attempted it,he knew I could actually take on the garment of the Devil that day,its not right at all
ReplyDeleteWhat's the big deal,@ Mirabel I really agree with you totally,some people are created to be your helpers on the path of life,if you mingle the wrong way,you would definitely have yourself to blame
ReplyDeleteThere is not big deal if your patner is aware and gives his full consent,but when your patner agrees out of your manipulative skill or out of diplomacy,common sense should communicate to you that you are about making the wrong move
ReplyDeleteIt will only take a fool who doesn't have his/her current relationship @ heart to want to venture into the Ex-favor Saga,Simple
ReplyDelete99% of things we are afraid of don't come to pass, believe in God and in yourself.. God is faithfull.. Fear not
ReplyDeleteTalking abt the said topic, I dnt see y one can't get help from his or her EX, provided there is no ill intensions attached
ReplyDeletei will
ReplyDelete