Becky and Roy had been married for six years. One would have termed their experience “blissful” but for the fact that they still hoped patiently to have a child after the loss of their two months old unborn baby in their first year of marriage. It has been six years and the story has not changed. In-spite of this situation, Roy treats his wife like a Queen. He adores her, shows her respect and gives her all the attention a woman can crave for.
In this part of the world, it is almost normal that any childless marriage as the case may be is arguably the woman’s fault and this is consequently accompanied with pressure from the man’s family. Sometimes, they even drag him into some polygamous arrangements. Bad as it sounds, it is the better evil. Worse case scenario is to bundle the woman out of her home on account of barrenness.Being the first child and first son in a family of six with over five years age difference to his next sibling,
Hell broke loose once her husband was out to work. His
siblings called her names like barren woman, prostitute and even went as far as
calling her the murderer of her unborn child (a very painful miscarriage she
had) and even accused her of bewitching their son and brother, her
husband. In all, Becky was being careful not to bring division into the family
hence her pretense, putting up an "ALL
IS WELL ATTITUDE" She kept mute about this whole issue to her husband.
Her situation went from bad to worse when Becky was made to do their laundry (as far as washing their boxers, pants and bras) and run errands for them. When they were not pleased, they would poke her face directly.
Becky is in a dilemma of what to do, she says she has
had it up to her head, but she does not know how to table this constant assault by her in-laws to her husband because she has been
threatened to keep her mouth shut or stand a chance of loosing it all as they are ready to deny every allegation. If and when
they deny, she would the loose her husband’s trust
and eventually get frustrated out of her marriage.
OPEN DISCUSSION
How would you advice Becky to relate the case to her husband and save her home?
As a man, how would you handle this
issue since you are at the middle of wife and family and you want peace for
everyone ?
What would your reaction be and eventually your
decision?
Who do we blame for in-laws interference? And should
they be encouraged to undertake protracted visits?
The floor is open.
Please be blunt with your comments, she would
appreciate them.
I dont blame the man at all... What steps was he suppose to take when his wife didnt tell him anything? Well, if she finally open up, i ll try to confirm all she said...if its true, i ll simply ask them to go. All of them. God has structured that a man would have to start his own family. So they shld let me run my house. I ll take mt wife to vacation abeg. Larry,Umuahia
ReplyDeleteShe was not tact abt it at all, how could she have kept such situation from her husband all in the name of keeping peace or not loosing his trust. Funny! She never see nwwinn.
ReplyDeleteSusan, lekki
1.As for me,I blame the husband for letting the family interfere in his family,simply put,its the foundation he layed for the family is what they are banking on
ReplyDelete2.To becky,I'd advice her to be smart,try and get evidences perhaps she could get a recorder or something,since they ar threatening to deny all allegation,she should be tactful about it.that's all I have to say to becky,she should always know that she has the power to eithe let her inlaws detroy her home or she takes charge....QED
Yomi Abia
Excuse meee,did u just say she was made to wash their boxers,pants and bras,,,,WHAT##### I can't believe it,well I trust myself,I will shuf their rags down the sockaway...nonsense,she is too gentle for such in-laws abegi...dis one na pure rubbish o...I can't imagine doing that o...even running errands for them...ahhh I don turn house girl be dat o @ becky pls don't tell your husband o,enjoyed being used as an househelp
ReplyDeleteVal,Okoro
=))º°˚˚˚°ºнa=Dнaº°˚˚˚°º=)) ! Na wa ooo! Well I sure do blame d husband . If he was a sensitive person, he would c it in d eyes of his wife . That his mother is around for better medical attention dosent mean his entire family should migrate to his abode. If the other siblings think they can take better care then let them take their mother abode. Why take a pill for another's headache? Maybe becky luvs her house girl statues ! . As for moi, won't take it at all!
ReplyDeleteI am getting really confused here. Do these kind of things happen?
ReplyDeleteCos i dont see why i would be the husband to a woman going thru all these and i will remain unaware. The woman sef too dense... if u know what i mean. As the man f the house, i ll ask them to leave immediately. What nonsense?
Winnie, PHC
Density of the highest oda,infact she is a DUMMY with capital letters,but somehow I blame the man,who isn't sensitive to the woman,every woman wants to keep her home,and the threat of loosing her family might just be why she isn't voicing out.
ReplyDeleteTina...
I wonder how that wife would allow that to happen to her.
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't blame the husband much, how would the man know if the wife keeps mute?
@Dr Jay, i understand the over-all purpose for that was to save her home....she kept mute for too long utill she became a slave. Chisom
ReplyDelete@ chisom, I am beginning to suspect that, the husband must have bullied her into a docile woman she is
Delete
ReplyDeleteAfrica is a place where people believe the greater the number of children the better for you. Extended relations is another factor that deminds attention. These two believes encourages inlaw interferance, and most African ladies suffer this assault.
DCO ASABA
With all due respect, I really do not understand the idea of washing pant n bra for inlaws. Every woman has a dignity n some kind of 'pride'. Pls protect it! Knowe ur limits n still set ur mind on tolerating every mess that comes along the journey.
ReplyDeleteMoreso, she bore the pains alone without telling d hubby. Problem shared is problem solved. Whenever ur inlaws oppress u, pray n wisely tell ur hubby. Carrying it alone leads to early grave. And when u die, he will carefully select another chic.
For none shall be barren says the Lord. Its just for a moment. But for the meantime, be wise , be transparent, be prayerful. Take ur inlaws to d place of prayer, not for them to die by fire but for them to live by love!!!!
With all due respect, I really do not understand the idea of washing pant n bra for inlaws. Every woman has a dignity n some kind of 'pride'. Pls protect it! Knowe ur limits n still set ur mind on tolerating every mess that comes along the journey.
ReplyDeleteMoreso, she bore the pains alone without telling d hubby. Problem shared is problem solved. Whenever ur inlaws oppress u, pray n wisely tell ur hubby. Carrying it alone leads to early grave. And when u die, he will carefully select another chic.
For none shall be barren says the Lord. Its just for a moment. But for the meantime, be wise , be transparent, be prayerful. Take ur inlaws to d place of prayer, not for them to die by fire but for them to live by love!!!!
Let the woman pray and ask God for the best way to disclose the problem to her Oga and for God to control the outcome/ how her oga responds to it so that peace will reign. I tell you God will answer her.
ReplyDeleteFor becky to keep issues to herself is one of the gretest mistake wives indulges in and for d husband not to notice her wife struggles shows he loves his family more than the wife
ReplyDeleteSo in these case both couples are not worthy of living together
There is no way a woman will live a struggling day life and meet up with the husbands affections or needs never, and equally a man will never enjoy a pretending woman anyhow inbalance will surface. So I will tell becky he has the wrong guy to start
Forget about child issues now
Its only becky husband that can salvage this situation and if goes with his family why the need for becky
So becky be advise
Olusola
Lagos
@ Olusola, you raised a very strong point, this not even a matter of child bearing. The guy is not sensitive enough noni.
DeleteWell, me think that that guy should not flood his home with so many people.
What??? Hmmmm...six years is no joke. I also think six years is enough for you Beccky to have known ur positiion in the home. Haba...how can you be thinking that becos u want to keep ur home, u will not tell ur husband they are treating u badly. See, its bcos he knows u ah too calm, thats y he is using it against you. You wana hear the truth? He might hav a family already and they are trying to push u out. How can u think ur husband doesnt know about it? He is fully aware. He is the one chasing u away.
ReplyDeleteProbably becky is the hospitable type.which is very good. She should've known the kind of family she's married into. There is a limit to everytin. You can't keep pleasing in-laws to displease yourself @ the expense of ur own dignity in your own home? That's nonsense! She should stop all those errands,open up to her husband.the place of prayers is very important cos all in-laws problem are not ordinary. Always pray for them,pray for ur hubby,pray for your home.do wat is rite as a good wife n in-law not to the extreme. God will fight for u
ReplyDeleteMadam, with immediate effect, tell your husband everything in detail. If u havent been a liar all the while, why would he disbelieve you? As a matter of fact, you really need to know whose side he is. If u ask me, as it is right now, its clear coast for you to voice out. As someone asuumed that ur husband myt be behind it all. Now is the time to find out. Be fast in telling him before they start poking you with sticks and brooms.Elizabeth, Ijegun
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine once said that most men getting married these days have spines made of jelly. Some of these men look up to their parents and relatives to help control their homes, is that not so?
ReplyDeleteWhile some women will bring to their new home insinuations from friends.
Well, I think the problem is not only in laws these days, friends too have a stake.
As for Becky, she simply has not come to terms with her present circumstance, which is
1) She married a jelly man/boy
2) She herself needs to grow up
3) Doesn't she have cousellors like pastor's wife, elders around, those who have 'succeeded' in their own marriages.
So, if you think that most men are not jellies, let me have your views
@Dr Jay, Jelly how? How is he jelly? Is it jelly that made the woman not tell him? Sorry let me ask...ah u saying that inlaws cannot visit and even stay? When she married him, didnt she marry his people too? After all it was said that she recieved them well. Please this is not a jelly matter. The pooor guy goes out daily to fend for her and he is still xpected to know by magic what she has done all day? Its her responsibility to tell him. As far as i am concerned. The guy has done nothing wrong.Brown, Lagos
ReplyDelete@ Brown, your submission is simply unbelievable! So you mean the woman is on her own?
DeleteWhy will she allowed her self to be trampled upon like that,to the extent of doing their lundry.She should get her self busy,the bible says"an idle's hand is the devils workshop".Please we are in a civilized world,so get a tape recorder as an evidence,and threaten your inlaws that if they don't let you be,you will report them to the police.Believe me,they will back off.
ReplyDelete@ Adeoya, did you know that the Nigerian police system would rather not get invovled in a man and wife affair? They would rather send the parties home and tell them to settle issues. So, our dear Becky has got to do more that just seek ouside help.
DeleteShe has to confront both Hubby and in-laws head-on!
@Adeoya...police? They ll ask for bribe na? I think u shld reconsider that one o.
ReplyDeleteIke,Lagos
Becky should be wise and look beyond the pamparing of the husband,Moreover if as claimed the cares for her, then she should be able to confind in him.
ReplyDeleteThe ball is in her court!
This is a case of a man who knows exactly what he is doing.Nothing happens in that home without his knowledge.All the niceties to the Mrs are just a facade,the primary goal is just to force the woman out of the house and he has the support of his family.
ReplyDeleteJudas was also innocent until proven otherwise,the man is a wicked person._FejDew Abuja
Africa is a place where people believe the greater the number of children the better for you. Extended relations is another factor that deminds attention. These two believes encourages inlaw interferance, and most African ladies suffer this assault.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there is need to relate her personal experince on what she is suffering from the hands of the inlaws to the husband at the right time. The idage what God has joined together, let no one put assunder is no child play. The husband and the wife must truly see themselves as couples, not hidding anything from one another, always liking the company of one another . Invariably, where such love exist ,there is tendency that the man's relation will be forced to accord Becky same respect. I also believe that with prayers Becky will eventuality be pregnant and a baby of their choice. DCO, Asaba
@Dr Jay, whats unbelieevable abt what i said? You dont spare a goat after pouring off your yam, even thoufg yoU know its only an animal. She looks like the victim, but she caused it all by keeping mute.and acting as if all is well..No sentiments, this is her fault. Brown Again
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@ Samson, I like that proverb, for a lizard to find a hiding place in the wall, there must be a gap in that wall. Becky, mend the wall in that marriage of yours
ReplyDelete@ Brown, maybe I should not be surprised at your posts or comments. If this not personal, may I ask, are you married and if yes for how long. If that is a personal question, you are free to decline an answerm
ReplyDelete@Dr Jay, I m a married man with three. And i have a very good relationship it my wife and in-laws as well. Dont get me wrong. I am not against Becky. I just think her man should not be blamed for her silence. If the blogger said she put up an ALL IS WELL attitude, it suggest that he tried communicating with her.
ReplyDeleteBrown Again
No family member shd b allowd 2 live wit d couple; Wher dat is impossible 4 som reasons lik d one stated above; such a person shd b allowd 2 stay 4 a limited time n Afta wrds shd b told 2 go!!! Also, I tink couple shd always open up 2 each oda n communicate xtensively on every issue cos d 2 of dem r 1....let d couple continue 2 pray as well as seek 4 medical help!!!
ReplyDeleteNo family member shd b allowd 2 live wit d couple; Wher dat is impossible 4 som reasons lik d one stated above; such a person shd b allowd 2 stay 4 a limited time n Afta wrds shd b told 2 go!!! Also, I tink couple shd always open up 2 each oda n communicate xtensively on every issue cos d 2 of dem r 1....let d couple continue 2 pray as well as seek 4 medical help!!!
ReplyDeleteThey should pray for Gods blessings. I am sure all these would not have happened if they had children. It is well.
ReplyDeleteDuru, Abj
THIS ROY GUY IS NOT ON TOP OF HIS GAME. HE SEEMS NOT TO BE ITH HER ANYMORE IN THE CHILD EXPECTATION AGAIN. THEY SHOULD BE CLOSER AT TI POINT. BECKY, CALL GOD.
ReplyDeleteOBI, ABIA
My dear, your husband does not appear innocent at all. And for you, how can you keep quiet on this kind of matter. You want to wait until dey cut ur neck and cook pepper soup. Tell him and even see what he would do...
ReplyDeleteCicillia, Benin
She should just believe God and hope that things get better. She should pray for a miracle and all shall be well. Dis regard all those advicing you against your husband. They have thei homes intact.
ReplyDeleteMercy, Ketu
I am not asking you to pray o. But you should pray and watch. You have not been watching at all, How can you let them come and ride you like a horse like that? they just started oppressing you as if you done have people too. Since your husband has let his people stay in ur home for so long, you too invite your people lemme see if they ll continue to treat you like that.? too bad. I cant blv it. Wo, you need God fast.
ReplyDeleteSherryl,Garki
Where are the men? dem no fit talk here. mtshewwwww...
ReplyDeleteFirst I blame Becky, y would any modern woman sit ha ass at home from morning to night. That's horrible, if she had a place to go to at dawn I Blvd say she won't be catch in situations where she has to wash undies......
ReplyDeleteBut wait ooo Wash UNDIES!!!!.... I shld slap ha.
Did I not read dat ha husband loves ha so much.......
Ha dump attitude else make ha lose ha family. Make she talk to her husband for night and ask him to stop by in dear day time to see for himself.
Coming to the man, did all your family come down with the illness too, or is he too a naive to dear fact dat Africa's dnt sit well with situations like this. Or is he so tried from work that he can't see the ova streched tension at home. Or de make up smiles on His wife's face. The couple have some serious work to do.
In the first place, the 'whole' family shouldn't be staying with the couple, it's totally wrong. That said, Becky should please sum up the required courage and tell her husband about the whole thing... Between, the husband should have noticed the mood/attitude of his wife. He should know when she is happy/sad.
ReplyDeleteIf Becky doesn't talk, she will 'kill' her marriage and if care/pre-caution isn't taken, she will 'kill' her self-esteem(That's if she still has any though...).
Na wa o, madam Becky. I for say u be mumu if no be for one thing. On a deeper sense, marriage is all about communication and friendship. Childlessness is not the issue here, woman be open to your man, please, even though he should have been sensitive enough to see between the lines. They are both fakes sha....sorry! Margaret (Umuahia)
ReplyDelete@Magaret, they are both fakes? How is her husband a fake? is he suppose to know by inspiration when he is not being communicated to? the blog claims he treats her like a Queen. and i am sure, he must have asked her and she ll act as if all is ok.. I tink ONLY BECKY IS FAKE..
ReplyDeleteBrown Again
Mr brown...u said u are married with kids, so I expect u re experienced. I bet u know that there are times when a womans yes is a big NO and vice versa. A man shld not worry when a woman is fussing around him, wir the worry lies is when she is silent bcos silence is a woman's loudest cry! Becky is putting that smile on her face for the sake of peace but her heart aches and u tell me her hubby is not bin communicated to. What is communication? Its a transfer of meaning from a sender to a reciever... Which cld either me verbal or non-verbal. Shld I go ahead and tell u abt communication...no...research on it! The man has the answers he needs... Maybe just won't dig into it cos his mama rings his main bell!
ReplyDelete@brown...Oh sorry...that's was from Margaret (Umuahia)
ReplyDeletei see, i am realy shocked how everything has turned around against Roy. He is man not a magician and not a soothesayer that would know when yes means no and no meaning yes. If she is really assaulted by her inlaws, shoe would have know when best to communicate her issue to her husband. @Magaret, i dont want to belive that when you have a serious issues, you dont treat them saying YES when you mean NO. I still retain my view that she was being naive by destroying further the already destroyed home in her silence. I aint saying that her inlaws are doing okay. All im saying is that sometimes, women can be too, infact overtly and religuously sentimental that they make the wroing moves at the wrong time... Or are we saying, her husband couldnt have supported her if she opened up?
ReplyDeleteBrown Again..... make una no kill me o....
Brown Again...you leave me shocked....how can you say women are sentimental? They make the wrong move at the wrong time...your wife must be in some trouble. Winnie, Abia
ReplyDeleteMy dear Becky, you have sat down for so long and they have now made you a trash can. First, your husband does not respect you. It is not possible that he is not aware of all these...and why are you keeping quiet? Is tt to save ur home that is already breaking apart? Your inlaws should only come and visit and not stay put...discuss that with ur husband with wisdom..
ReplyDeleteI have never seen a woman that is so dull like you. Be there and be keeping quiet,, if you cant talk to your husband... for a reason best known to you, seek advice from a spiritual mentor or even your mother... may be not ur mother but talk to someone. Your husband is an inseneitive man.
ReplyDeleteNj,Lag
You neeed to accept the lord Jesus christ as your personal lord and Saviour so he can help you out of this problem.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm this thing became lthis bad because you and your husband allowed it to get to this point. I cant take this from any inlaw. My dear, respect is reciprocal. If they respecy me, i also respect. Pls find out very well if youir husband still loves yoou. Men are sensitive too. he should be able to notice your ordeal.
ReplyDeleteIge,Lagoss
Mr Roy or whatever you are called, you are very wicjked man. How can you subject a woman to that kind of situation and act blind to it? If yopu dont waant the woman again, just send her home to her parents. dont let your mum help you kill her. Sounds to me like you peoople have a plan and you are just hatching it small small. Welldone,keep it up. but dont forget hell o.
ReplyDeleteIn this modern day and times? someone made you wash laundry? are you a drycleaner or a slave? no, i think you like to do the laun dry work. smetimes in life, you need to get angry in order to make peace.a word is enough for the wise
ReplyDeleteSalewa
Tell your husband and his people that it is God that gives children, It is not by your making or his ability. For six years, i am sure that you muist have visited plenty doctors and they would have told you many medical things. God is the greatest physician, He can make you whole and grant you children. I strongly advice that you seek Gods intervention on this matter.
ReplyDeleteTestimony, Jos
I thank you all for your comments. .I have read in details what everyone has written .it appears the women are having a great time here. The male voice of defense is silent.This makes me worry. .Someone needs to prove that Roy is actually unaware of these assaults on his wife.
ReplyDeleteIf I were in Becky's shoes? Well, I trust myself, I will not even buy that kind of shoe in the first place, let alone wering it and remaining in one.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, Becky should call her husband's attention to things and do that as a matter of fact.
If it doesn't work, then put all those hangers-on in their proper places, afterall, that is your home!
Well, she should pray too, but remember, if Abigail had stayed home and prayed about Nabal's stupidity, David would have kill them both, like somebody said, read my lips or better still read between the lines.
Becky, if you like your life....
@ Dr jay, mind you that you cant fight your in laws and win in Africa setting. There is this believe that a wife in the home is a second class citizen,its a bitter truth and very difficult to swallow . It's you and your partner that will form a formidable home that will be difficult for in laws to enter and operate with impunity.
DeleteBecky, are you a small girl? How can you just sit back and allow all these happen to you...in short u ah too cold. Sit ur husband down and tell him what u ah going thru.
ReplyDelete@John Samson, with due respect, it is very funny how you men quickly remind us of the barbaric African mentality of how you guys can get away with infidelity and a woman cannot. and hjow inlaws cannot be fought in Africa. Must we remain babaric? i think Becky is oo blind to see that her husband already has a new family and her inlaws have come to help him chase her out.
ReplyDeleteMary, Uyo
@SamJohn...mind you that you cant fight your in laws and win in Africa setting. There is this believe that a wife in the home is a second class citizen, IS SHE TRULY SECOND CLASS CITIZEN IN A HOME WHERE SHE SATISFYS THE MAN IN ALL WAYS, TAKES CARE OF HIS CHILDREN AND BEARS HIS NAME? WHAT MAKES HER SECOND CLASS?
ReplyDeleteRebecca, Uyo
Can anyone of you dispute that the man is the head of the house?
ReplyDeleteLanre,Lag
@all...your comments have been very helpful. So many speculations have been made and they all seem right if followed through. This home shows a great communication breakdown. I think at this point, YES should mean Yes and No meaning NO. Especially the wife.
ReplyDelete@ All, it is the man's responsibility to protect the wife, if at this juncture there is failure in the
DeleteMarriage then the man has failed woefully. On my wedding day I personally vowed to protect and cherish my wife and if by any circumstance I falter then something had gone wrong . In a nutshell Beck's husband is to be blamed and not Becky.. Child or no child,Becky must be protected against draconian
Thumb's up for that comment. I think men should be aware of the sacrifice a woman makes when she says 'I do'. I agree totally with John's comment, men should take the decision to protect their wives
DeleteActually I think d fact dat her in-laws are there pressuring her is part of d reason she remains childness, its been medically proven that when a woman is stressed out nd put under pressure, it plays havoc with her system nd internal clock making it very difficult to relax nd produce d hormones for keepn a baby nd all that stuff(am nt a Doc bt I knw dis much). I understand were she stands, but she has kept quiet for too long, telln d story now myt sound made up bcos her husband may nt understand d rational behind her keepn mute all dis while all in d name of wanting to kip the family peace. So I advice she plays smart, take charge nd make d house her play ground, afterall its her home. 1st nd foremost she shld stop d housemaid job nd decline doin anything stupid nd embarrasn for her in-laws, like washing their undies. If d assault continues, which I knw it wld. She shld den play it to her advantage. She doesn't hv to report to her husband. She could simply dial his line secretly in d middle of all d chaos one day and allow him hear all dat is beign said in d background. Or call him bck from work witout his mum nd siblings knowing so dat he cld see 1sthand wat's been happening or better still she could record evrything weda by video or audio. Shekina. No woman deserves such poor treatment. I envy her courage for keeping quiet all dis while, but enuf is enuf. UcheOsas
ReplyDelete