MADAM VERSUS MISTRESS IN TELEPHONE HEADLOCK 2

Sandra- Meeet? For what? Why would I want to meet. I am enjoying your pathetic company on phone…lets leave it this way. Why do you want to meet me?

 

Adanne- I want to meet the bitch that is serving my husband love-portion.

 

Sandra- Did you just call me “bitch”? You call me bitch and then cry to Jesus..its okay, bitch me all you want…I am the one expecting Ossiboy’s Jnr

 

Adanne- A boy? You are carrying a boy?

 

Sandra- Yes, Madam. A son, a child, not “pikin”

 

Adanne- We really need to meet…

 

Sandra- I am not sure Ossiboy would like that

 

Adanne- To hell with you…(Voice rasied) No matter what you have done…no matter the love portion you have served him, you can never take my husband away from me. You can not take him away from his real children

 

Sandra- Real Children? Look at who is shouting…I am just being kind to you. Ossi-boy has finalised plans to send you out of our house.

 

Adanne- Thunder would fire that your mouth. Your house?

 

Sandra- Okay, we would soon know who gives Ossi-boy a first nad maybe only son, who satisfies the man on bed and who the man truly wants to be with…

 

Adanne- Sandra or whatever you call yourself, you have invited trouble and I will give you squarely.

 

Sandra- Please go have a warm bath and sleep under the duvet. You are dreaming. You cant do anything. (Car engine sounds) Madam, guess what? Ossi-boy has come… do you want me to hang up or leave the phone on, so you can hear for yourself?

 

Adanne- It’s a lie. He is at work, today is thurday and he works late every Thursday...so I know where my husband is…

 

Sandra- (Burst into a very derisive laugh)  Oh really? So you have noticed…Hmmm, that’s the only day he makes enough time to satisfy me very well…

 

Adanne- This girl, if I curse you, you and your bastard would never get out of it. You think you can just make up all these cock and bull stories to break my marriage of 11 years.

 

 

Sandra- Who cares?... Seeriously, my oga is here now and I need to give him time.

 

Adanne- I know you are just joking. I may need to call you back.

 

Sandra- I see, you want to call him and confirm he is in the office.. ok, go ahead…enjoy.

 

Adanne- I am not in the business of monitoring my husband.

 

Adanne ends the calls and puts a call through to her hubby. 

 

Osita- Hello Dear,

 

Adanne-  Just checking up on you… how is work?

 

Osita- Checking up on me? Do you need something?

 

Adanne-  Must I be in need before I call you?

 

Osita- Its just strange that you are calling?

 

Adanne- Please tell me how work is going?

 

Osita- Well, (laughing) work is fine and I might be longer today, my table is really jam-packed.

 

Adanne- Okay then. What would you like you to eat when you arrive?

 

Osita- No, no..as usual, don’t bother, it would be too late and I would have had my dinner delivered. So just go to bed.

 

Adanne- I insist honey?

 

Osita- Honey?

 

Adanne- Of course.. Honey…

 

Osita- Okay, honey, I ll have fruit salad if you insist.

 

Adanne- Thank you dear, I love you.

 

Osita- Hmmmm.. You love me? Ok, me too. Let me go…(Call drops)

 

Adanne- This witch thinks she can destroy my home….

 

(She dials Sandra, Sandra picks)

 

Sandra-  You have confirmed he is in the office right? Madam, don’t let me call you a fool… he is right here.. On Thursdays, he is all mine because he needs to spend time with his family, He is coming to the door now… I gatto go…should I end the call or you want to confirm he is not at the office? I know you want to hear, so listen well, I will keep the phone open…(long hiss)

 

Sandra- Ossi Boy, Ossi baby, Ossi darling, Ossi honey, 

 

Osita - My tomatoe (They kiss, an embelished Muaah sound from Sandra was made for Adanne to feel the reality)

 

Sandra- You are welcome honey, let me take off your shirt, your shoes and lead you to the bathroom for a very warm bath or how would you like it?

 

Osita- Its been a very long day, I need to seat here and rest a bit before the bath.

 

Sandra- Please sit baby, sit on my laps…

 

Osita- Are you sure>?

 

Sandra- Yes, im sure, let me carry my baby for 30 secs at least…

 

Osita- That’s very romantic… but I don’t want to stress you because of Jnr…

 

(Adanne- Hears this and starts to shout at the other side, phone line still open)

 

Adanne- Osita… is that your office? Osita God would punish you… (Osita seems to have heard his name on the phone)

 

Osita- What was that?  

 

To be continued…

MADAM VERSUS MISTRESS, HUSBAND REFEREES

Adanne has had it up to limit when she decided to look through her husband's phone...she needed to know why an adult man would be caught kissing a phone in the toilet­… she got the shocker of her life as she found a number saved on his phone as "My Tomatoe" she took the number and DIALED IT...

 

Enjoy their conversation.

 

Adanne- Hello

 

Sandra - Ya, who is this?

 

Adanne- My name is Adanne, the legally married wife of the man you have been sleeping with.

 

Sandra- Who? Which man have you been sleeping with?

 

Adanne- Look, don't act innocent, you husband snatcher...devil’s incarnate…

 

Sandra- Who is husband snatcher? Me? (She laughs hysterically)

 

Adanne- Yes, you, you prostitute, you cheap slot...may thunder destroy you, your marriage will never work,  cheap ashawo, husband snatcher…

 

There was silence for a while…then Sandra speaks

 

Sandra- Hmmm, are you finished?  Now I see why your husband wants you out of his house. Its because you are always barking.

 

Adanne- What did you say? Look...you cannot break my home in Jesus name. The living God that I serve would destroy you…I didn't call you to start listening to your rubbish...Listen and listen good, I want you to stop calling my husband for your own good...(Long hiss and drops the call)

 

Adanne's phone rings...same number is calling. She picks up

 

Sandra- You ended the call too fast. I think I should put you in the know of some things…before people would say I am wicked

 

Adanne- Ashawo, what do you want from me? Please leave my husband alone. Osita and I got married 11yrs ago and we have two lovely daughters...go and look for your own husband

 

Sandra- Osita????, is that what you call him?

 

Adanne- How do you mean?

 

Sandra- I was confused if you were referring to my own Ossi-Boy...Sincerely between you and I, your husband complains bitterly about you...

 

Adanne- What did you say?

 

Sandra- You heard me...Ossi-boy complains bitterly about you. He says your food doesn't taste nice anymore since you were diagnosed with diabetes, that you are always tying wrappers all over the place, that you are very dirty...when he comes back from work, the house is always upside down. He even said you don't just satisfy him in bed anymore...that you just lie down like a log of wood, that you are not open to new tricks...and that all your tubes are slack….

 

hello...are you there? (By this time, Adanne is in tears)

 

Adanne- What is your name?

 

Sandra- Is that relevant? Well if you insist, you can call me Duchess...or Tomatoe

 

Adanne- God will surely punish you.

 

Sandra- You should hear the full story before you report me to God...or pronounce his judgment on me.

 

Adanne- The blood of Jesus is against you

 

Sandra- Did you call the blood of Jesus when you started starving Ossi-boy of sex because you work in a bank...? or did you call the blood of Jesus when you lost your husband because you were not willing to try new tricks on bed…

 

Adanne- Jessusss….Osita, how could you do this to me?

(She drops the call)

 

Sandra- This useless woman has dropped on me again. I was on my own when she called me boldly. I will call back. (She dials again)

 

Adanne- (Her phone is ringing but she does not pick...She sobs on)

 

Sandra Picks up her phone and sends an sms which reads "Won't you like to know the sex of our baby? Ossi-boy has done it"

 

Adanne receives the sms. Reads and screams

Adanne - Jesus...(Still in tears, she calls Sandra back)

 

Sandra- Yes, madam Adanne, the legally married wife of Osita. How may I help you?

 

Adanne- You are pregnant for my husband?

 

Sandra- Its just my way of saying thank you for all the care he has lavished on me...

 

Adanne- Can we meet?

 

To be continued...

 

What is your take on this especially to Adanne?

Here is the real Issue with some African Men

WHAT IS THE REAL ISSUE WITH AFRICAN MEN?

 

Some African men can be very selfish, impossible, chauvinistic and most times, amazingly myopic. You might not find this easy to swallow...I understand. That's because its simply the truth which remains bitter and better.

 

Clara and Duke have been dating since our final year in the University and on several occasions, I have been invited by Duke to help him beg Clara who always uncover him with one lady or the other. Yours sincerely, I kept on begging until they got married...even though I sincerely advised her against the marriage, but she won't have any of it...they finally got married.               

 

In their marriage, I kept receiving calls from Duke to help him plead with his wife because of his constant games. It got so bad that Clara almost committed suicide in order to have some peace. She caught him kissing his phone in the bathroom...a kiss he hasn't given her for about a month... For God's sake, Clara is a very beautiful lady with great intelligence and from a very comfortable home yet Duke treats her like trash. I had to confront him about it.

 

He told me boldly that he married Clara out of pity and for the fact that it was he who deflowered her...He married her to prove a point to all those who said he wouldn’t be able to stay faithful enough to marry her..."How could you mess with someone's life like that" I screamed.

 

Well, amidst his boasting and reckless mal-treatment to her, nemesis caught up with him...he lost his job. Got sacked on account of financial mismanagement.  All the pressure in their home shifted to poor innocent Clara. Her job became a life-line for the family...

 

Out of her deep-concern on her husband's joblessness, she spoke to her boss who eventually facilitated a job for him. You would be shocked at Duke's reaction when he found out it was Clara's boss that got him the job.

He started calling her names, accused her of infidelity and even asked her to leave his home...yet he didn't resign from the job.

 

My friend has been at my place for over two weeks now and she has almost cried her eyes out.

When I look at this whole scenario and how long they have been together...I am convinced that Duke had faked the whole relationship/marriage all the while and maybe my friend has also been faking all the orgasms too. It also makes me think that men in this region, precisely Africa are very mean.                        

 

If you think I am blabbing, then try to prove me wrong.

How is it that African men beg for and expect forgiveness from their wives when they are caught red-handed in the mud with their dangles uncovered? Yet and most-hypocritically would vehemently reject the plea of any woman in same situation?  In this case, my friend Clara is even innocent. Even in innocence, she has been asked to leave the house, what should we expect if she were having an actual affair?

 

Secondly, does it bruise a man's ego if his wife helps him get a job?

 What does Christianity say about divorce...because right now, I am tired of begging Duke, I'll rather advise her to leave him.

 

My friend seems to have some magnetic field from Duke around her that compels her to helplessly. All she says is that “he is the one that made me a woman”

 

So?

 

Angry Mary