CAUGHT RED HANDED

How women cheat

I welcome you to our blog, thank you for reading and dropping your comment(s). As no man is an island of knowledge, your comments go a long way in educating others. When knowledge is shared, we all get better for it. Just as we savored, divulged and discussed our last topic Dangerous Nannies, I got into a conversation with some elderly friends who have been married for more than 30 years and they shared their experiences with me. I was left mouth-ajar, jaw-hung and mentally terrified. Here is the first phase of that encounter.

Ade got married to his two years lover, Fola who he met on a job interview in the US. They chatted politely and kept in touch until they started hooking up… and finally, the cake was iced and all roads led to the altar. They got married and relocated to Portharcourt, Nigeria to run their own firm as well as nurture their home. Ade’s business required constant travelling for meetings, transactions and general public relations routines. On one of those occasions, Fola’s best-lady Bella was to visit while Ade proceeded to Abu Dhabi on a business trip for a week. Although he will miss his wife, he felt better considering she would have company while he was away. Bella was well received ..a guest all the way from the US? In these hard times? Her coming was like the Queens visit to Nigeria. In three days, 

Ade was already settled at the Portharcourt International Airport when he got a call from his Manager at the office that the ware-house was on fire...with such frenzy which the manager spoke, Ade heard that his house was on fire..."house", not "warehouse"...He sped all the way home...as he approached he became more confused... Reached his phone to call the Manager, he was not picking. Now at home, and everything looks calm, no fire. He was furious, heading to the bedroom to narrate his ordeal to his wife and he hears this strange sound of women in ecstasy...he doubled his pace, almost unnoticed, flung the door open and guess what he saw...Fola and Bella screaming for "come". He caught them red-handed...entangled and buried in their lesbians' erotic paradise. 

As he mused in confusion, his phone rings…the manager now screaming ‘‘Oga, where you dey? the warehouse dey burn o’’                         

If you were Ade, how would you take this? What is your advice for him? As Fola, what could have led her to this spot? How do we avoid these kind of experiences? What is the implications of this kind of occurrence to the family?

The floor is now open.

DANGEROUS NANNIES

My dearest reader, I welcome you once again to our blog. Last week turned out with diverse, yet all cogent reasons why a woman should be a housewife or go after a career. As I read through, a particular comment caught my attention strongly and got me thinking...Here is the comment...

"People, i am considering resigning. a colleague just got a call that her child was seen somewhere in Ojuelegba…that one woman carried the baby and is begging for money. She rushed there and lo and behold, it was true. The police are on the matter now. its the day care people o. They started confessing that between 11 and 2, they usually go out with the children and beg for money. Posing with children like the real mothers. my friend is in a shock’’                                            

Lillian, VI, lagos.                    

The truth is that, parents cannot and will not always be side by side their children all day. The question therefore is when they are inevitably away from the children, "WHO ARE THE CHILDREN WITH?" These days, the duty of childcare  has become more complex than it was years back, when you could trust almost anybody with your child. This venture is now approached with great caution.       

We have heard stories of nannies who eat babies' food and leave the baby hungry, some even try to breastfeed the baby,  sexually stimulate...assault the children actually, beat up the children, some very mischievous ones arrange kidnaps while others even initiate the children into some demonic practices, worse still among others, they even take the children away from the day care centers to the streets to beg for money posing like a poor mother, leaving the baby very sick afterwards.

Please note that this is not a personal attack on nannies, house maids or anyone in this field as there are some that are actually God sent. So far, the repercussions  seem to outweigh the support got from using their services.

This brings us to our discuss this week...why would you need a nanny? What is your criteria to choosing a nanny? If and perhaps when you discover that your nanny does any of the stated damages to your child, how would you react? Are there govt agencies in charge of nanny services?   

The floor is now open.

HOUSEWIFE OR CAREER WOMAN?

My dear reader, i believe your week was great and by Gods grace, this week promises greater things. Our previous discussion was off the hook as Becky has read up your comments and she is better informed now. Thank you all. 

During the week, one of those hot afternoons, i went into a restaurant i have not really tried before, they said it was run by Calabar women...instead of just placing my order and having my meal peacefully, the argument between some men proved too captivating. They were dressed like bankers, so i figured this might be an intelligent discuss so i took my time listening. One of them was of the opinion that a woman should strictly stay at home, produce children and look after the family, the other one insisted that a woman, whether educated or not should not only have children and take care of them, but must also support the family financially...the argument went on and they sought my view...trust me, i was blunt about my position and decided to share this with you.                                           

The level of commitment from couples to financial successes of homes have constantly been reviewed to meet up with the expenditure of the home at every given point in time. This in effect often falls on whatever the man and the woman and sometimes the children can bring to the family purse. This position makes everyone a fender. Dad, mum and kids. Does not sound bad at all. In a bid to substantiate all avenues of making the family comfortable, we see women work 8am-5pm in full capacities as men. On the other side of the coin, we have also seen women who sit-in all day and allow the man fend for the home alone, perhaps as expected. Working classed women have had challenges of being available for their children, husband and sometimes themselves. Some, because of their beauty, have been placed in strategic positions of the organisation that exposes them to sexual harassment and undue fatigue from constant pressure. It is also known that housewives, although always available, contribute little or nothing financially to sustain the home. Some even engage in extramarital affairs, idle gossiping all day, get into quarrels during the day with other housewives and may also be intellectually dwarfed as all they do is sit-in and be idle.

 

Considering these popular sayings "the idle hand/mind is the devils workshop" and "no food for lazy man" and woman of course, would one rather get busy, chart a career path and possibly fail in some home duties or sit-in, be available for the family and depend absolutely on the man for every kobo?                  

To the men, as the head of the house, which class of wife do you prefer and why

For singles, state your preference

The floor is open.

IN-LAW INTERFERENCE

Becky and Roy had been married for six years. One would have termed their experience “blissful” but for the fact that they still hoped patiently to have a child after the loss of their two months old unborn baby in their first year of marriage. It has been six years and the story has not changed. In-spite of this situation, Roy treats his wife like a Queen. He adores her, shows her respect and gives her all the attention a woman can crave for.

In this part of the world, it is almost normal that any childless marriage as the case may be is arguably the woman’s fault and this is consequently accompanied with pressure from the man’s family. Sometimes, they even drag him into some polygamous arrangements. Bad as it sounds, it is the better evil. Worse case scenario is to bundle the woman out of her home on account of barrenness.Being the first child and first son  in a family of six with over five years age difference to his next sibling,                                   

Roy's case easily fell in line. Sooner than expected, Roy's mother feigned an illness that landed her in her son’s house for proper treatment. Gradually, checkups from his siblings became more regular until they decided to stay put. Innocent Becky receives them with love and tries to be as great as she could, ignorant of what was coming.

Hell broke loose once her husband was out to work. His siblings called her names like barren woman, prostitute and even went as far as calling her the murderer of her unborn child (a very painful miscarriage she had) and even accused her of bewitching their son and brother, her husband. In all, Becky was being careful not to bring division into the family hence her pretense, putting up an "ALL IS WELL ATTITUDE" She kept mute about this whole issue to her husband.

Her situation went from bad to worse when Becky was made to do their laundry (as far as washing their boxers, pants and bras) and run errands for them. When they were not pleased, they would poke her face directly.

Becky is in a dilemma of what to do, she says she has had it up to her head, but she does not know how to table this constant assault by her in-laws to her husband because she has been threatened to keep her mouth shut or stand a chance of loosing it all as they are ready to deny every allegation. If and when they deny, she would the loose her husband’s trust and eventually get frustrated out of her marriage.

OPEN DISCUSSION

How would you advice Becky to relate the case to her husband and save her home?                                  

As a man, how would you handle this issue since you are at the middle of wife and family and you want peace for everyone ?

What would your reaction be and eventually your decision?

Who do we blame for in-laws interference? And should they be encouraged to undertake protracted visits?

The floor is open.

Please be blunt with your comments, she would appreciate them.

JOINT ACCOUNT FOR COUPLES MAY NOT WORK

Some say when love strikes you, you are struck with an incurable fever. Others feel one should not fall but stand in love. In both, there is a conscious effort made to remain glued to each other. Hence you find couples wear same cloths, his and hers wristwatches, same designer shoes and sometimes the most conflicting of them all is that they share and operate a joint account. A move that was meant to keep them in one voice in their finances especially. Sometimes, the story actually takes a u-turn.

Many couples ab-initio started joint accounts innocently and devoid of thoughts of scheming, manipulation and recklessness towards their partners. They even yank off every form of check and balances on the accounts, thus anyone can withdraw anytime they please. This trust over time has proven too expensive as there are many woe tales of men servicing extra marital events with the hard earned money while some women have also done same with other men and spent lavishly on jewels, embarked on building projects all in secrecy.

Considering that a man should fend for his family and his wife should support him if she can, is there a justified need for joint accounts, when one disagrees, does it negate your claim of love?

Please give your take, a couple needs your help..

Thanks
The floor is now open.